After finishing the final draft I am aware of how insanely long this update is. If you don't have time to read in all the details of things, I've bolded topics of high concern. Please read as you have time and feel free to please pass on to anyone who could benefit from.
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Two weeks from today I will be waking up in Queenstown, New Zealand on the first official day of outreach! I can't believe how fast time feels like it has flown by in the last four months. I can't believe it's once again time for a great transition, great move, great change.
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There is so much to say in this time....this is the first time I've walked this journey as staff. As I reread my blog and go through my emails there is a very obvious lack on my part to keep updated and in contact with my supporters, my friends and family. This has been a journey for me in learning how to prioritize, how to make choices and decisions and as a human I realize there are some that I've made wrong. I would've loved to look back over this blog and contact that I have with others and been incredibly satisfied that I've stayed updated and in contact, in many ways I'm sure it would make some of these days, requests, updates easier. There have been many days when I have physically made to-do lists that include blogging, emailing, writing, posting letters and those lists have been replaced by conversations, errands, a responsibilities, a quick nap, a short adventure, a shift in what I believe the Spirit is telling me in this time. Even this I pray does not read that you are not of immense important to me, to this journey, to my story in this time. My inability to stay in appropriate contact with my family, friends and supporters is not a testament to who you are, but to what I would hope is my growth (which is includes falling and failures) in learning how to balance my job, role and life in this time. I am sorry that in this time it may feel as though the only time I update is to ask for things; prayer, financial support, encouragement. Please hear my heart in that I value all of you reading this so much more than as just a "support" in any way to my life. You are of immense value to me. You are vital. You are important. You are worth more than anything you could give. Change is a privilege reserved for the humble and so I ask that you would understand my desire to finish well, my desire to both be fully present here in this time but also to testify to you at home what God's doing in my life and through you here.
God is moving here! He is moving in Minnesota, Chicago, India, California, Colorado, Turkey and wherever you are while this is being read as well but I want to share some of the ways He's been moving here and will continue to move here while I have the chance. But first, what a typical week looks like for me:
6:30AM Up. Shower. Check email with hopes of an iphone photo of my nieces. (My sister Jess is phenomenal at making sure at least a few times a week I get to see Isabelle and Faith!)
7:00AM Get into the dining room to grab breakfast with the students who've managed to get out of bed. This is where my co-leader Tack and one of my outreach guys Jeromy excel. I have never not seen these two men at breakfast; awake, greeting everyone with a hug and "Good Morning" before grabbing their coffee and shoving their noses into the Word. This is a time in the day when my Mother's heart comes out, making quick extra coffees for my girls or fellow leaders who didn't get up in time and dolling out granola bars or bananas before the student's work duties start.
7:30 AM Get a jolt of Scripture into my system. I've been attempting to read through the Old Testament during this school. (To give you a taste of what that means, in four months reading just Old Testament during this morning quiet time I'm nearing the end of Exodus). I'm taking it slow and always remembering a question Nate posed to me during school: Are these stories in here to show us what TO do or what NOT TO do? I've gotten into quite a few friendly arguments as to whether Joseph's leadership was wise or not. Whether he relied too much on his emotions, whether we as Christian's are allowed to act in the same fashion. I've often gotten discouraged when I look at my bookmark knowing my goal was the whole OT by September but then I think of the men and women whose lives I've gotten a front row seat to; Eve, Noah, Jacob, Joesph, Aaron. As so much of my life has begun to be marked by leadership, I realize I've learned a lot from those guys. This snails pace through the Old Testament has taught me a lot about the type of leader I want to be. (As a side note, I think Joesph was driven by emotion and made a lot silly decisions because of it....I guess I'm in good company).
8:00 AM Staff meeting with Loren, Tack and Stephen (without whom I would not ever be in the place I am today). There is not enough time nor enough words in the English language for me to possibly explain the merit of these men. These are the men you would want at your side walking into battle, these are the men who will take the front line because of their courage or the trenches because of their consistency! These are the men that will not leave the field until the battle is won, the men who leave no one behind!
9:00 AM Monday -Base worship with everyone who is hear on base now. This includes our school staff, students, base staff and administrators.
Tuesday- School Intercession. This is one of my areas of responsibility and leading. We've called this "praying with strategy," coming before God on behalf of someone else; another nation, people group, etc. I've seen numerous ones grow huge in prayer in these times, grow in selflessness as God moves hearts for others.
Wednesdays-Our school heads up to Porter's to snowboard all day. This is not just a snowboard trip. YWAM has set up this school for a specific reason. Here we've drawn a specific kind of people, naturally risky, typically accepting and daring. Drawing young people to a missionary school with a snowboarding focus has strategy. We aim to reach a very specific culture here.
For me, Wednesday's are quite often a medical day. Between my three girls with broken arms (two of which were quite serious) we've spent a lot of time at Christchurch hospital's "bone shop." While I know that not being able to snowboard for most of this school is disappointing I've tried to make this time of learning and fun for the girls. Sharing conversation, prayer and wacky sing-alongs in the car on the hour drive into and out of Christchurch. (Not every experience in town has been wonderful...we've got a story about some really bad Chinese food but that's for another time). But my hope and prayer is that although this was not the plan, that even though squishing into the car for a long drive and often a fair bit of pain is not as fun as hitting powder at Porters that God still speaks to them Wednesdays and we are making memories that will stay with them for years.
Thursdays- We have intercession (praying with strategy) with the whole base.
Fridays- We have worship with just our school. This has continued to be a time that meshes us as a family, goofy, mismatched, often broken, but complete, cherished and drunk in love before our Father. We've explored lots of different venues for worship in this time. We have an incredibly talented group of students musically and have been blessed in so many ways by their boldness and talent. Just yesterday we spent a lot of this time writing notes of encouragement to each other as Hebrews tells us to do (to encourage) and then spent time dancing at our Father's feet. I'm thankful for Tack's worshipers heart as he leads us in this. He will often during worship stalk the room like a lion, always praying, keeping us together, lighting the fire.
10AM Lectures start. While I'd been through twelve weeks of lectures with a few of the same speakers when I was here as a student five years ago, so many people were correct when they said you are not finished with DTS until you have staffed and I have learned so much from our lecturers in this time. So in brief: Speaker, topic and "quote of the week."
Week 1- Hearing The Voice of God. Jon and Mari Slack. "God's ultimate purpose is to create families." "Praise completes enjoyment....delight is incomplete until expressed." -CS Lewis
Week 2- Relationships. Matt Dawson.
"Living doesn't mean you learn anything."
"Is a Father offended when his child cries out to be taken out of the crib or changed? Why are you not comfortable with that arrangement? As a Father he is totally comfortable with that arrangement."
"Fear and control always go hand in hand. Love and vulnerability always go hand in hand."
"Love requires forgiveness. Trust requires resolution. Love is required. Trust is earned."
"The enemy can reproduce everything but unconditional love!"
Week 3- I missed lectures this week as I was in the hospital with kidney stones.
Week 4-Nature and Character of God. Frank Naea. (In Queenstown)
"The primary name He wants to be known by is Father"
"Where has Fathered you?"
"Do not lose the ability to be a son by hardening your heart."
"The enemy fathers you with fatherlessness."
"Sin is to be fathered by the fatherless one."
Week 5-Lordship of Christ. Mark Parker. (In Queenstown)
"God will not change your flesh into something pleasing to himself."
"Never work on yourself. Work on fixing your eyes on Jesus."
Week 6- Bible. Matt Stelpsta/Jon Slack. "The Bible is just like any other relationship, you get out of it what you put in."
Week 7- Holy Spirit. Gordan Rosewell.
"But what did godly love do? It fought and bled and died for crap people who didn't deserve it! It was not roses and rainbows. It's blood, sweat and tears. Count me in!!"
"If there was no element of mystery than we would be god."
"Just because something does not make sense does not mean it's illogical."
"Do not become purely experience orientated Christians."
"Scripture always trumps experience."
"We need Holy Spirit power to do what we were created to do."
Week 8- Father Heart of God. Wilson and Erica Sze.
"It's not a job, it's a romance, an adventure, an epic."
"You are your heart. You cannot change it, only love can."
"If you ever get your act together, it will still just be an act."
"What would we be like if we had never left Eden?..."
"We can only ever know ourselves in love. We are created in His image-the only mirror we can ever use is love."
"God is not a father who will pull himself away from you to teach you something on your own."
Week 9- Spiritual Warfare. Mandy Hudson.
"Unforgiveness makes us vulnerable to the schemes of the enemy."
"Offence is a spiritual cancer that will kill you."
"Don't build a belief system on expectations."
"The devil goes after your destiny! One of the ways he does this is to get other people to speak against it."
1 PM Lunch which includes for everyone almost every other weekly dish crews and clean up.
3 PM (Mondays) We have community work duties which I'm responsible for organizing. This is a time when our school intentionally works hard physically to keep our base running smoothly and help out others in the community in Oxford when we have extra hands. Cleaning cars, taking care of lawns, chopping wood, moving people in the community, getting the base ready for the next school or load of staff, deep cleaning, etc.
(Tuesdays) Steve, Tack and I have Basic Leadership School on Tuesday afternoons while our students have a chance to work on their homework. This is time for the boys and I to meet with our speaker and base leadership and studying, pray and work through the path that we're on. For us this also includes journals, book reports, creative presentations, etc.
(Thursdays) We have outreach prep as a school lead by our outreach coordinator Kim. This time has been a lot of the physical things that need to get done before we head out in a few weeks; vaccination checks, Visa applications, applying for New Zealand bank accounts.
(Fridays) This is when we have our weekly evangelism time in Christchurch. This is one of my biggest differences from my school since the quakes have happened. Most of Christchurch has been leveled and left as a ghost town since I've been here so the ministries and opportunities for evangelicalism within the city are few and far between now. A few weeks ago I went in and Steve and I were talking about how sad it is that our students and even some of our staff will never know Christchurch as it was. We've had to get really creative in our outreach oppurtunites, we've done "treasure hunting." Which is where we get the students to pray and ask God for "treasure" be it a color, name, location, anything and then we head in. If they see a person or place with these things they'll ask that person if they can pray for them; they are their treasure. We've had some really awesome testimonies come back from the groups in these times. A few of my girls actually witnessed some miracles last week when God laid a financial burden for someone on Kathryn's heart and she then has money supernaturally to be able to give to this stranger. It's been amazing to see them step out of their comfort zones and take great risks to share the love that they are experiencing in the classroom.
6PM We eat dinner as a family.730PM (Mondays) We have evening lecture with our speaker from the current week to make up for the lecture missed on Wednesday snowboarding day.
(Tuesdays) We have outreach prep in our outreach teams. For Queenstown/Malaysia this has been spent in a lot of prayer, research, encouragement and goal setting. Every Tuesday night I leave more excited than I was when I came into the meeting. I am SO encouraged by the team I will help lead into this outreach.
(Thursdays) We have small groups. This has been very obviously one of my favorite parts of being staff on this school. My beloved girls: Alyssa, Sarah, Janie, Kathryn and Sophie Joy continue to amaze, challenge and bless me. (as all the girls share a room and I'm the only female staff. We're a "small group" multiple times a day...most often in the moments before the girls go to bed. My favorite! Praying over, hugging and chatting with my girls at the end of the night will be some of my most precious memories from this time)What has this looked like in our lives? One week we cooked cupcakes for the guys' small groups and I prayed parts of Romans over their lives as the food baked. The week I was sick with kidney infection we shoved all five of their beds together and studied Ruth together. While we were in Queenstown I took the five of them out to dinner at a new 50's diner. We went into Rangiora a few weeks ago and hit the pools/hot tubs (interesting little sight we were I'm sure, the six of us in the lazy river, two with their arms in the air to keep the casts from getting wet). This week we were able to go to a friend's house and I could cook dinner for my girls and make dessert over a bon fire. This week, rest was important.
What am I learning being a small group leader of five of the most beautiful, talented, gracious women I have ever met? TONS! One lesson sticks out recently (and wishes to be shared as one of the participating parties reads the first draft of this). Last weekend we were watching Lord of the Rings in the classroom late Sunday night. There was a group of us sprawled out of the floor with bean bags, the rest sitting behind in chairs ending another crazy week. Sophie was cuddled into her normal spot tucked in my right arm, after a particularly intense scene I see Kathryn get up from the other side of the room and walk over all the other bodies laying the middle of the room to get near me. She laid down in my left arm and wiggled herself around to get the other person next to me to move over so she could fit. I grinned to myself as my view of most of the projector screen disappeared as there heads cuddled next to each other on my chest. Sophie put her uncasted arm out to get me to scratch it and at one point Kathryn took my left hand and moved it to her head to get me to play with her hair. That night while spending some time in the quiet place with God I was thinking about that moment from a different perspective. (And you're going to have to go with the analogy for a little bit here because I know I'm just a crap human....) but I was thinking about myself as my girls in that situation. Sophie started out in my arms but Kathryn very obviously came over when she was scared. And she didn't give a care who she had to step over or whose movie she interrupted by doing whatever it took to get to me. I think too often we waste time making sure everyone else is ok, can see, won't be interrupted in our attempt to get what we need from the Lord. Kathryn didn't care who she got in the way of, she wanted into my arms and so she was going to make sure she got there. Neither her nor Soph asked if they were welcome there. They know me, they trust me. They know that in that time there was nothing they needed to do to be welcome there. They know that I, as I know that God enjoys being the arms. Enjoys finding rest and peace there. I love that they didn't care, Kathryn (as Isabelle often does) took my hand and put it where she wanted it. I think I instinctively know that God will provide what I want but that moment reminded me that my Daddy desires to give me what I want as well. Later I was talking to Sophie about that moment, thanking her for being little in this time so God can teach me what it is to be little as well. When I thought about a memory I have with my sweet Izze girl from the week I left Minnesota to come here. I took her out of school an hour or so after she got there. I knew this was a big deal to her, I knew she would feel important and special. She does not often like to be singled out but I knew she'd been telling her friends what was going on, Auntie was coming to get her from school early and we were going to American Girl Place at the Mall of America! I had set aside time and money to make my girl feel as special as I possibly could. I was leaving and I wanted to bless her as much as was in my power so she would know that she knows, her Auntie loves her! We had reservations at American Girl place for lunch and I had brought her a dress from home so she could change out of her school uniform. I saw the little wheels in her mind turning as we walked to my car, her loving what we were doing but worried that she didn't have her American Girl doll with her but when she got to her carseat she saw I had brought both of them. I had thought of everything. When we got to the restaurant her little eyes were huge, it's pink, it's pretty, it's every little girls dream. It's my little girls dream. We're ordering and there's a cute little pink lemonaid that comes with the children's meals. But behind us was the little smoothie/cookie bar and they kept making these fizzy, fruity little drinks with umbrellas. I watched as she kept looking at them. My girl is so sweet, I knew what she wanted and I knew what she was thinking. She is one of the most thankful babies ever, she was happy and satisfied for what she had but in the depths of her I knew there was one more thing she wanted. Not needed, wanted. She kept looking and finally I looked at her and I said, "Izze ask me what you want." And finally she asked could she have one of those drinks. And I said yes! Gladly. It is my very great joy to give my sweet girl what she wants. Izze didn't sit and weigh my finances, whether I could get her the drink and still afford to pay the bill. She didn't wonder if her asking me would somehow change the way I view her. Sophie and Kathryn didn't worry if anyone else would think them weak because they wanted to be held. Both my girls here and my sweet baby girl at home knew that I love them and asked to experience that love. Through all of them I am learning how much God wants me to do the same thing.
Saturdays are snowboarding at Mt. Hutt with one staff and a small crew of students staying back to take care of the cooking and cleaning for the weekend. (Which is where you find me-with time for an insanely long blog and three of my students outside the window tanning while we wait to make lunch).
Sundays are typically the relax day. Most of us go to the Baptist church in town and have started in the last few weeks hitting the Oxford farmers market on the walk back home afterwards for coffees. These little moments with each other are the times I find God in really obvious ways. Whether it be processing church as we walk home, talking about the future: outreach and beyond, sharing a pastry as we witness a divine moment walked out in a little child. Oxford is known in my heart as a place of peace. The foothills, the quiet, the streets I know and recognize, the sunrises and sunsets that I can count on. God has been faithful in meeting me in this place again!
Spiritual Warfare: With that said our school and my family here has faced immense shaking this week. I know that I must proceed here with wisdom as much of the experience of the last week is still very raw in a lot of us. The calm is beginning to settle, our new "normal" is returning. To honor each other here and the intimacy and intensity of the past week I won't go into a lot of detail of what has gone on. A decision needed to be made this week and it called for a large amount of trust, grace, submission, humility and begging God for peace. In the midst of it most of us didn't know what was going on, or why but forced to trust what we know to be true. God is good. He is a good father and He DOES work all things for good. In the midst of great pain there was the real understanding that we were in the midst of a catalytic event that would bring us together as a family like nothing else could. We knew in the midst of it, that if we could make it through the pain we would come out stronger, with a deeper realization of what it is to be in the Holy of Holies. What it means to give Jesus Lordship over a deeper part of our lives. I beg your grace in my privacy, to understand the God is doing a mighty and awesome work in the our lives, in this school and this time. In time we will have this as another chapter in the story of what God did here. For now, I ask for your prayers. That God would continue to prove Himself as a good father, a faithful provider, a wise Lord. I pray for peace for these people that God has brought into my life to take up residence in my heart.
Finances- To cut straight and dry I'm in need. Big need. I leave for outreach two weeks from yesterday and I am still $1356 USD short of the money I need to be able to do this outreach. $100 has come in since I last updated. I have tapped every savings account and extra spot I had stashed cash. I am waiting to get a $200 back from my insurance company for money I had to pay out with my kidney hospital visit but best guess is that will not be back in time before we leave. I feel wrong (and I am) getting nervous about this, of anything I know His FAITHFULNESS is written across every event in the last 4 months. I know that I know that my God is faithful. Doing this in a staff role for the first time, I'm learning ways in which I have failed in this area of finding and keeping supporters, ways in which my lack of communication may have played a role, ways in which I should've thought, planned, or done other things, ways in which I should've started saving back in the States earlier, worked harder. Satan threatens lies it's not going to come in, that I can't be successful in this. It's an area of struggle, it's an area in which I'm learning and growing and trying to figure out how to do this responsibly, with grace, sensitiveness, tact, and faith. Creating and asking for financial support is one of the challenging parts of this journey.
So once again I ask, if this is something you feel you could support please do. There are numerous ways to do that, through personal check, check to YWAM, my paypal button on the top of the screen, YWAM's website or email. Please know when you support me you're not just supporting me. (Literally yes your money is just going to my outreach account) but through that you're supporting Tack, Jeromy, Tore, Jeff, Andy, Alyssa, Janie and Sophie my outreach team. Ministries in Queenstown and Malaysia. My girls and our small group. This school and our ministries here. Your money and financial support spreads so much farther than my trip here. This isn't a trip. This is my ministry, my life and my love. Thank you so so so much for all of your help and support. Thank you. From the depths of me thank you.
Thank you for reading. Thank you for supporting. Thank you for journeying with me in this. Thank you for believing in the destiny God has spoken into my life.
With that I've promised my Tore, Jeff, Janie and Kathryn we'd get out of here for a few hours. Be blessed.
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