17 August 2010

A happy home smells like bleach and pine sol.

Years ago I would watch my Mom sweat, cry and bleed over our kitchen floors. Later in life (before we lived together) I knew to pick my words carefully if Jenny's old house smelt like cleaner.

I never understood why the women in my life that I looked up to cleaned to release stress. Doesn't cleaning just stress you out? Dang, Mom it sure stressed your kids out!

And then I moved in here. Jenny's first home post-divorce. The home we would day dream about getting when times were really bad, the house I would fantasize about over seas when I didn't know whether or not I had the strength to make it through one more day.

This is the first time I have taken ownership over a home. I know it's not technically mine, it's Jen's. But I was here from day one. I was here when she first started getting floor plans, when we would talk about the best lay out for the 2 of us, the dog, getting groceries, coming in soaked from swimming and snowboarding. We have created this home. We've created an idea, a spirit, a community. This is the first time I have known a consistent home.

And I am never more happy then when it smells like bleach and pine sol. (Ok I like when it smells like Donna Karen Cashmere Mist but that's besides the point). Tonight I've ripped this place apart and bleached out crevasses that have not seen the light of day in months.

Tonight I've begun to understand the release in cleaning. The way stress melts away with dust. I'm battling for my home on so many fronts as I battle the dirt and the dust.

16 August 2010

End of Summer

This afternoon I was offered a new job. A job I interviewed for on Friday. A job I wanted. I really wanted. A job I think I might look forward to being a part of everyday. A job that brings out the strengths in who I am. A job that allows me grow. It is the one of the most exciting and scary things I have ever done. I've been working in my current position basically since I was 16 years old. I'm 25 now. I have built relationships with my families and with my staff. I have grown to know this and only this. I have been trained and learned how to do what I do and do it well and now...I'm walking away from it and walking into something new and different. Something that puts me in the trenches everyday and yet I am excited. I am the girl who hates change. I HATE it. I run from change or the idea of change. (I literally cannot stand the fact that someone is renting out our loft). But this change, even after originally posting for another job I was nervous to the point of shaking that I would ever consider leaving the job I have now. I posted for this job as an after thought. I almost didn't because I was in the middle of some good conversation with my best friend but quickly posted for it online. After the interview I wanted it, and I wanted it bad and suddenly I was not scared of the change but hoping for it. Praying for it. Today something in my head and heart said I would know by the end of the night and shortly after getting work I got the call. It's like I'm something. Not like I'm "something" but there is something about me that they want. I'm good at something and they can see it and they want to use it. And I'm excited for that.

Tonight Mom experimented with pizza on the grill. Good thing it was a free pizza because it totally flopped. Izze and Abbi came home in good moods and it was nice to hang out like the old days. My sisters sent me and Izze upstairs to play in her room and hooked Mom on the "Real Housewives of New Jersey." It was a glimpse back, a welcome glance.

We're down to the 11 day mark. Bits called today after my excited text about the new job. It was good to talk to her briefly and day dream about vacation outloud. Izze and I walk around the house like we're in a secret club, we're going out of town and no one else is. I think we're driving everyone nuts.

Friday Aug 27th-Aug 29th Chicago Vacation with Bitsy, Jenny and Izze.
Aug 30th-Sept 1st Minneapolis Vacation for Bitsy
Sept 1st-2nd Back to Chicago w/ Jenny, Bitsy and Matt
Sept 2nd-3rd Detroit w/ Jenny and Matt
Sept 3rd-4th Wisconsin Dells w/Jenny and Matt
Sept 4th-5th Tomahawk Wisconsin  w/Jenny and Matt


Jen is gone on her family vacation now. A house boat WAY up north. So I've got the little man all week. Everyone makes fun of what a baby dog he is but Jen has been gone a little less than 48 hours and he has only left my side if I have forced him to by leaving for work. If I am in the house he is touching me and barks at anything that moves near me. I am and always have been convinced this little monster could makes things very difficult for anyone trying to hurt me.