This is the power of Christ in Me...

In Christ alone my hope is found,
He is my light, my strength, my song;
this Cornerstone, this solid Ground,
firm through the fiercest drought and storm.
What heights of love, what depths of peace,
when fears are stilled, when strivings cease!
My Comforter, my All in All,
here in the love of Christ I stand.

This blog is long overdue, my apologies. I had no idea after the last post two weeks into Malaysia what the next two months of my life would hold. 

As is obvious from the passing of time, the seasons have changed and I find myself in my typical perch in Starbucks in Minnesota which is currently under a foot and a half of snow. 

Kathryn, Alyssa, Sophie, Janie and Sarah on graduation night.

So much of my heart is still very much attempting to transition back into American culture. As I posted the picture above I had to bite back tears as I look at those five beautiful women who I was honored enough to call "my girls" for a season. They are now on their own unique journeys all over the world having finished well. Girls, you make me so incredibly proud. I am blessed beyond belief to have been able to witness you on this journey. To have laughed, cried, fought, wrestled, prayed with for and about you. Keep running! Keep running babies! Your hearts that are so tender and obediant will change the world for Christ if you continue to allow Him to mold you into the women He has destined you to be.

The men who changed my life, my perspective, and my story.

In Christ alone! who took on flesh
Fulness of God in helpless babe!
This gift of love and righteousness
Scorned by the ones he came to save:
Till on that cross as Jesus died,
The wrath of God was satisfied -
For every sin on Him was laid;
Here in the death of Christ I live.

After graduating the students Tack, Steve, Loren and I processed through this last seven months within a week of staff debrief. Trying to anticipate what closing this season would be, preparing for the next, looking back, making changes, looking forward. I am forever changed because of these three men. Their patience, their wisdom, their integrity and their love. I've learned so much about who I am, who men are, how I function within those realities because God crossed my path with theirs. So many people ask me what I learned in the last season, the first, biggest and most important lesson I learned was that God is faithful. One of the first ways I learned that was through these being the men that God picked for me to walk this road with. 

There in the ground His body lay

Light of the world by darkness slain:

Then bursting forth in glorious Day

Up from the grave he rose again!

And as He stands in victory

Sin's curse has lost its grip on me,

For I am His and He is mine -

Bought with the precious blood of Christ.

And so the question that everyone asks now is, "What's next?"  And now I can begin to answer that question. I will not immediately be posting this blog to my facebook because out of respect there are still people that I need to speak to face to face or ear to phone or finger to text before this becomes "facebook official."  

I am going back! That was always the plan, when I agreed to staff this Snowboard school I knew that YWAM was asking for a two school commitment from me. And while I was preparing to leave in May I would've said I would pry find a way out of that commitment within a few days of being back in Oxford and in that role I knew that I would be back for a second school. God's call had gripped my heart and refused to let go. While the last seven months have held lots of incredible challenges it was very clear to me from the first few days: I had found my place, my purpose and my joy. Living a life of leadership and discipleship within YWAM is where I was supposed to be. God's continued faithfulness at every turn and the support of countless people all over world confirmed this for me on almost a daily basis. I've never had an experience like the last seven months, have not grown like this, have not loved people like this, have not fought like this, have not seen God's face like this. 

So on my own I started making plans for the next year; I would come home after a few weeks of traveling the South Island with Sophie and spend time with family over the holidays. I was looking forward to getting to know my new niece Faith and catching up with Isabelle. I was eagerly anticipating long, processing conversations with Jenny and spending girls weekends in Chicago with Bits. Christmas with my Grandparents, heading to the International House of Prayer for New Years, everything was falling into it's place as I prepared with a full heart to end one season and begin another. In January I was making plans to move to Colorado to work within snowboarding and live with friends before heading back to New Zealand in May to staff the next Snowboard Discipleship Training school in 2013. 

During staff debrief my leadership within YWAM while processing the last school with me asked me to prayfully consider coming back to Oxford earlier than planned in a more full time role. There are a lot of reasons why I would go back so soon:  to continue and deepen the growth in my own heart, personality, and leadership that God began during the school, to create a support system within that place, to carve out my place, my home, to train under leadership there, to pour into that place in a different role, to support the March AW80 school, to strengthen my utter dependence on Christ. To be working as a full time missionary yes, but also to be strengthening the mighty work that Christ is working in my life. 

Making this decision has not been easy. There has been a lot of prayer, a lot of tears, a lot of long conversations with those whose lives will be directly effected by my choice to go, with people who have a logistics brain on how to make this happen, there have been sleepless nights, unanswered questions, fights with God, laughs, recalled memories, confirmations, support and now an immense sense of peace as I have made the decision, I am going back. 

As far as literally what will this look like in my life, many details still need to be ironed out. I need to apply quickly for a year long New Zealand VISA and start fundraising immediately. I don't know exact details yet, but the loose plan is that I will be leaving Minnesota the last week in January taking a longer route and landing in New Zealand the first week in February. While there I will be working on our base and helping to support our other base and school staff. I will rejoin my Basic Leadership School in March. As Spring comes I will help with the administrative side of starting the Snowboard school up again and then transition back to Snowboard staff in May. 

And so once again, and much, much quicker than I anticipated I am starting to fund-raise and seek supporters. There is an entirely different outlook on it this time, I am still fresh in the aftermath of God's provision. There were so many times I should've gone broke, so many times something should not have worked out, so many times that physical reality said, "This just isn't going to work," and every SINGLE time my God made a way. Every SINGLE time! I'm standing when I should not be, my dear Little Duck uses her left arm, my little brother can walk, I went, I did, I saw when I should not have. I have seen miracle after miracle after miracle. I stand in awe...

Once again, I need your help. I need another miracle. In a little over six weeks I need to be on a plane to New Zealand with a year long VISA. While I'm home for these weeks I have picked up as many part time jobs as I can. I am back at Elm Creek helping to supervise our Snowsports Academy as well as subbing in the Food Service Department with my Mom. Kidstop also brought me back on as a sub while I'm home and lots of friends have been gracious in inviting me to babysit and help with their kids as everyone heads to Christmas parties and finishing up last minute shopping.

As this times commitment is much longer I will need monthly supporters. People or families willing to commit to supporting me every month. My staff fees while in NZ are $100/week. This means if I have four families support me a $100/month my staff fees are completely taken care of! I have a friend who has been working with YWAM full time for three years now and she has multiple supporters of $10/month and she is a testimony of how powerful any gift can be! She has been supported for three years on gifts such as those! I am so grateful for every single gift and piece of support. I am currently working with the YWAM base in Tyler, Texas who will be handling my monthly supporters so that I can set up an account with them and supporters can elect to have automatic withdrawals from their checking account and YWAM will issue them tax deductible receipts. As soon as this is set to go with them I will post those directions and details. Right now, the prayer and need is for one time gifts and support to help purchase my plane ticket and VISA. I will be around church and the community to speak to people personally and my DONATE button connected to my Paypal is still active. I very humbly and confidently ask you to prayfully consider supporting this move of Christ in my life. 

No guilt in life, no fear in death,

This is the power of Christ in me;

From life's first cry to final breath.

Jesus commands my destiny.

No power of hell, no scheme of man,

Can ever pluck me from His hand;

Till He returns or calls me home,

Here in the power of Christ I'll stand.

This has been one of the most powerful years of my life. A few months ago if you asked me, "Have you sacrificed for Christ?" and I would've told you yes, I have. And in many ways I did. But I sit on the edge of what feels like a huge precipice in my life. I am keenly aware that Christ is asking me to lay everything on the line for Him right now. I am being asked to be nothing, have nothing, want nothing but the cross of Jesus. This is in all honesty, incredibly scary place to be. This is not what I had planned. But I look at the lyrics of this song (which has been playing on repeat for the last two hours) "No power of hell, no scheme of man; can ever pluck me from His hand; Till he returns or calls me home, here in the power of Christ I'll stand." Christ has laid down EVERYTHING so that I may know what it's like to be loved by a perfect being. Christ has given up all so that I may know truth, grace, peace, love and beauty. Christ has died so that I may live. I have never been so confidant in my utter smallness. I have never been so humbled by the power of my Lover. I have never been filled with such peace after making such a huge decision. Yes, this year will be filled with struggles, confusion and at times heart ache- we're human. This will be an immense challenge, but I've never been more sure that I'm on the right side. I'm on the winning team. NOTHING can pluck me from His hand! I am held in the palm of Christ and in His power I will STAND!