Faith, Fear and Financies

My dear sweet Faithy Lou learned to walk this week.  (Check out my Facebook for the video.)So very much our Faith, laughing and smiling the whole way. No fear, no regret, no half in, half out. If she's going to go for it, she's going to go for it all.

I'm attempting to be more like my ten month old niece...

I recently made a big decision to do something pretty big in faith. I'd been praying about the decision for weeks and felt that I had heard God clearly point me in a certain direction. I continued to pray about that choice, asking for timing and direction. During a quiet time with the Lord about a week later I felt like He said move. Do it! So I quickly found two people I trust a lot (one with me in community now and one supporting me in the States) and both confirmed implicitly what I believe God was telling me, DO IT!

I decided to walk in faith, vulnerability and honesty in asking others to help me with a "project" of sorts. I sent out a lot of emails, messages and texts. Explaining my heart, my desires and my journey the last few weeks. Seeking support and encouragement. Went to bed that night on the top of my little mountain of faith.

And woke up the next morning...to nothing. There was no magical money tree growing in my room, there was no massive anonymous box or envelope, there was not even an email. And without even wanting to I began to doubt my choice, did I make the right one? Did I ask the right people for help and prayer? Did I do something wrong? Could I have been better? Am I doing a good job? Until I was nearing a place of doubting my purpose in that choice. And I found myself asking the most important question, what happened to all the confidence you had last night?

There is a quote from a movie coming out soon where a father is explaining survival to his son,

"Everyday will be a fight for our lives. For you to make it you must know a few things. First, fear is not real. Danger, danger is very real but fear? Fear is a figment of your imagination."

I love that. What is real in this current situation? Do I trust my God and the word He spoke to me? Do I trust that God can speak to me just as loudly as to others around me? Do I trust that my God is above all else, a faithful provider? I do. I very much do. There is nothing about my life here that I can do within my own strength. There is nothing I can do in my own power. Trusting my God with my whole life takes a lot of faith. And in Him, there is no room for fear. Learning to walk in that, takes a lot of faith...

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I am currently in need of financial support and help. This is an incredibly humbling task, raising support. One of the things I believed God has called me to do recently was to give money to someone else. This is one of the scariest things I've done because in this life, I don't have a paycheck. My money, as ridiculous as this sounds is very precious to me. I would like to think I'm a generous person, with my "stuff" my belongings, my time, my prayers, my conversation. But with my money, nope. Not in the past. Even if I'm not spending it, it's comforting knowing it's there. That when next months bills are due, I have it. It's there, I can pay my staff fees on time, I've got a little extra to bless a friend with coffee or a treat. I've been excited as I've been here to be able to burn off some areas of my life that needed to go, and in that space I've really deepened my personal relationship with the Lord in a way that I am confidant hearing His voice. Confidant but not comfortable when He asked me to give. I spent a long time reminding Him that I'm a missionary. I felt the need to remind Him that I'm not "working" for a paycheck right now and I don't know the next time I will. I also felt the need to remind Him how uncomfortable and humbling it is to have to ask for money. I spent a long time reminding the master and creator of the universe all the things I think He may have forgotten. (Ya, me the human). And still ever so gently He would tell me, "Mandi, you need to give that away. Hun, you need to give that away. Manders, it's not yours. Give that away." And so I did, with fear, in-trepidation and I'll admit even dragging my spiritual little feet a bit. (A little slack...it's my first time). And similar to the previous story, the next time was still a day. There was no intense reward multiplied ten times. My checking account was just quite a bit smaller. And fear tried to trickle in again as I began to think of God's word for the first story and the second. How are these two things going to match up God? I believe you've spoken but in my humanity I don't see how things are going to work. But I believe His words. I believe He's quiet voice to my heart that my obedience will be rewarded. That He is faithful. That He's a good Father who owns all the money in the world. He'll make sure it gets where it needs to go. And so I stand, on my way to a going away party, to send a friend off on a new adventure marked by amazing signs of God's faithfulness. Knowing and trusting, He loves me and my time is coming. He is a good Father who loves giving good gifts to His children.

To help

I didn't realize in the email that I sent to many of you that I didn't include a link to be able to help support financially. It is on the right side of this blog, through Paypal. Thank you for all your help!

A copy of my March newsletter

(A copy of my March newsletter, if you would like to be on the list that gets these sent to email please let me know)

Family and friends,

Here I am almost two months into my “Kiwi life.” I'm almost daily made breathless by the beauty of this place and how blessed I am to call this my home, my ministry and my job. (Although I was mildly jealous of that Minnesota snow day a couple weeks ago).

I'm going to aim for sending out a newsletter once a month or so to keep as many people as want to be involved in what ministry is looking like here, what my successes and struggles are, and the needs that come up. I will continue to blog and that will frequently be a more intimate look at the things I'm doing and the ways God is moving in my life here. (http://tonarnia.blogspot.com) Please feel free to forward this to anyone that may be encouraged or benefit from it.

Ministry: In this second month I've spent more time with the Smith family. James and Caroline are part time staff on our Father's Heart Cross Roads school and James also works at our local elementary school. I spend a few days with their boys, Titus and Zephyr so that James and Caroline can be a part of the school and prepare for baby number three!

Titus and Zephyr

On the hospitality department front, the last week and the next week are super busy here at YWAM as we will shortly have five schools here! We have the Around the World in 80 Days DTS and the Father's Heart Crossroads DTS which are in their first few weeks of lecture phase. As well as the Justice DTS, Backpackers DTS and Climbers DTS which are all back for their debrief and graduation week. We've had a lot of rearranging to do, beds to set up and make, etc. The next week we will have close to 110 people here for each meal!

As one of the Snowboard DTS school leaders, Loren, is back some of the admin stuff to do with that school can start for me. As our school leaders have been accepting the new students for the upcoming school I've been finding them online and getting them into our facebook group to start even an “online” community and answer questions before they start arriving in a few months.

I've also loved being able to support the current AW80 (Around the World in 80 Days staff) I live in an apartment with their female staff so I've loved sharing breakfasts, coffee, and movie nights with them when they get a spare hour. This past weekend they took a group to Akaroa (about two hours from us) to go kayaking. I got to go with because I can drive the trailer with the trailer (Thank you Jesus for Snowboard school). What a fabulous day! It was such an awesome time to be able to connect with their students and enjoy God's amazing beauty. Susie and I were kayaking through the bay when a dolphin spouted not a meter away from us!!

Susie and I after kayaking with dolphins 

This week I asked to lead our intercession time. A time we set aside every week as a base to pray on the benefit of others. We break into small groups to seek God's heart for a certain person or people group, etc. To see if the Lord will speak to us or give us any words or Scripture to encourage or lift up others. (Similar to how Abraham interceded for Sodom). I felt like God was leading us to pray for Venezuela as they're in midst of major change as a country. It was a really awesome time for us, a lot of people really felt like there is great hope coming for that place as their election draws nearer.

Leading Intercession

Training- Training has also started. I'm in my second year of our Basic Leadership Training School. So once a week I meet with some of the other staff that are on our base and we study, pray, talk, and fellowship together. We've got a lot of the same journals and book reports the students do. Currently we're working out way through the book “Strengths Based Leaders.” I also meet on Wednesday mornings with some of the base staff in a smaller prayer/accountability group. We've been sharing breakfast, prayer and lots of laughs together.

Just Me: March has started off well. This week particularly I have been blown away by new revelation from God almost everyday. I was invited to sit on lectures these two weeks and am just enjoying learning and receiving so much more than I thought was possible. I've posted on Facebook that I've literally written my way through FOUR brand new pens I've been writing so much. This is just a season that I'm learning and able to process so much through writing. I've really enjoyed building relationships with the staff and students that are here. I'm continually blessed by conversation, community, playing games, challenging each other, laughing and how normal it is to always pray for each other.

Prayer Needs: As always thank you so much for praying for me. Although the road has not been easy, I am so blessed to be in this place in this time. God is moving in big and small ways in my life and the lives of those around me. So thank you, thank you. If you would continue to pray for me:

• That God would continue to reveal His heart to me, His heart for me and the nations. That He would speak loudly and clearly to my heart. That He would continue to be near. That my life would be marked by great freedom, great grace, great faithfulness because of His love. That my heart would always and only be found in His hand.
• That would continue to get applications for students and staff for the new Snowboard Discipleship Training School that will start in late June.
• As my birthday comes this Monday that God would mark this next year of my life with an even greater revelation of who He is, his faithfulness, blessing and grace.
• God has been faithful in finances in this season and right now I'm praying for an abundance of financial support for a specific amazing  opportunity that is still is prayer stages. (http://tonarnia.blogspot.com )

Thank you all for your love, prayer and support of God's call on my heart into missions. My life is being changed everyday, my heart more and more tender to His voice. I'm being prepared to take this love and this message into the nations. Thank you for partnering with me on this journey!

In His love and blessings,

Mandi

March, in like a lamb...same as everything in New Zealand.

Update time...

One of my most common "jobs" around here is hanging out with the Smith boys, Titus and Zephyr (2 and almost 1). Last week found them all coming down with the yucks so of course this week found me in Christchurch going to Urgent Care with a bad case of strep. Prayers for continued speedy healing and praise that my allergy prone self seems to be doing fine with penicillin  Who'd thunk?

I've started listening to The Moral Revolution Podcasts recently. http://podcast.moralrevolution.com/ Admittedly this is one of my first real ventures into the world of podcasts and I'm not sure I'm "doing it right." Most of these are so good I'll listen to them on repeat for two or three times through. Some of them I'll leave on while I'm sleeping in hopes that my subconscious brain is absorbing it and will bring it into recall some time later in life when I need it. (Yep, I'm that dork). Some of my favorites are "Your head and heart" and "Forgiveness". I'd steered clear of a particular one called "Dating in Community" I mean let's be honest, what do I need to know that for? Well, I'd heard a friend talking about it highly and so I decided to listen. Maybe it would teach me something about supporting people that are dating within my community. It was FABULOUS! Both a charge for those dating and those not. A ton of hope for those not dating yet either, to both be a support and what to expect when life does come into that season. (I still recommend "Forgiveness" highest of all of them that I've listened to but "Dating within Community" is definitely in the Top Ten. Then, an opportunity to put it into practice...

Two of my friends here are dating and last night male part in this little pair decided to take female out to a nice dinner. So roommate and I were being goofy about it and acting as security detail, etc. Defiantly having fun, poking fun and being nosy, the fun easily watchable parts of community. Some of her female students were giddy, peeking out through bedrooms they were hiding in...we sent them off a good evening and headed off to do our own thing. But today I was processing some of that in light of living in community. Most of these students only know the couple as they are now, only as dressed the nines, flowers, driving off the a nice meal. They don't know the YEAR this couple spent in prayer, accountability, conversation, waiting, and surrender  Surrendering their emotions and thoughts and feelings and wants for God's best. What option would bring Him the most glory and gain them the most integrity in this narrative. That demands great honor and support. Those who can wait, not just in a relational sense, in any sense within the Kingdom, those who can wait are worthy of great honor. Those who can put what they want, their plans, what feels good to them on the alter of Christ and be willing to wait for Him to create something that brings Him great glory? That is one of the most romantic things us humans are capable of I think.

Our Basic Leadership School also started this week. It's the leadership school that all staff go through here. We meet once a week in a big group and through out the week with mentors and one on one. We have assignments and journals due similar to the Discipleship Training School students as well but our is focused on training and caring for us as leaders. I'm really, really, really excited for this season of "BLS." Immensely excited actually. It's a great time to connect with the other staff here, a fun time to be loved on and encouraged by the leaders above us, a time for accountability and feedback, a time to learn from other leaders in different arenas in life. I'm just really excited that this place seems to be excited about growing us, caring for us and championing us as leaders. It makes this place an awesome place to grow as a leader.

Loren's back! It's been great to be able to talk with him as he's come back from a leadership school on the North Island. He's got a whole arsenal of new perspectives and ideas that I'm really excited to see worked out. It's also been fun to start to see the ball rolling on our Snowboard School and start to see prayers and times of intercession turn into emails and files and acceptance letters.

That's this week in a nutshell. I've been blessed with nice timing of different chats online with close friends and family, beautiful weather, supportive community around me that encourages me to rest and heal from strep, and an iTunes gift card sent from a friend in the states.