I wonder if by Sunday night anything will be different. Will it be easier to breath? Will it be easier to read the Word? Will it be easier to stand up straight, hold my hands up in worship?
Do I actually believe that once one task at hand is completed that the Enemy will relent on his attack and we will breath easier, walk through life lighter?
I would like to believe we could but I don't think we will. I don't think the temptation to think like the world, act like the world, fit in with the world, listen to the world will abate just because things are "completed." Quite honestly I don't think that Sunday evening is completion date.
Today I have been busy. If I was not attempting to beat my body into quiet submission through sweat, I was attempting to quite my mind and heart in the stillness of His throne room. The enemy watched me go apparently because he has not let up since. Physically my ankle has gone to crap in a moment, forcing my normal afternoon routine in a less demanding one. Spiritually, mentally, emotionally things that I have trained myself not to believe, not to think about have become my evening obsession.
Thoughts about my weight and body image have been downed with Nalgene after Nalgene of water.
Mistruths about my worth have been doodled, crossed out and rewritten in my journal. Poured over and reread, cried over and obsessed. Words from one I know loves me misconstrued into attacks in my head, and held unto in my heart like a precious jewel. My precious pain jewel.
Why do I do these things? Why do I hold unto pain as if it is a reward? When I am attacked by the enemy I grab unto whatever is hurting me and I cling to it, I literally obsess over it until most often I am physically sick. This is disgusting, this is sin!
I am a daughter, a object of pride, and a beloved bride of the Most High King of Heaven. My worth is uncountable in the eyes of the King. And so is yours! When Jesus sees me He longs for the day when He can come get me and hold me in His arms. He is proud of every moment I give Him glory. His heart leaps when I run to Him. He longs to offer ointment for my wounds and peace for my worried mind.
My King sees me, He hears me, He is faithful, He is love. I am HIS! and I AM ENOUGH!
