31 August 2012

Faithful provider!

I stand (or sit...in the downstairs library surrounded by four of my outreach teammates) in total...I don't know if "shock" is the right word....I sit in awe of the faithfulness of my Father.

Through the generosity of anonymous donors here in New Zealand. People living with me in this place and walking this journey with me, along with some of their loved ones, my loved ones at home, old staff members of mine who walked this journey with me back when I was a student and total strangers my outreach funds have come in!!! Thank you so, so much for the amazing generosity I have been shown. Words don't come close to how much you're obedience and ability to sacrifice has taught me about the faithful of God. The abundance of His riches. The joy He finds in lavishing good gifts on His children. I am blessed beyond belief! By a Heavenly Father and by flesh and blood family. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

As if I should be surprised in the slightest, God has been faithful to the utmost of my heart, my head, my journey here. To see His plan continue to go forward through those who love me and Him. Man, there is just so much confidence tonight. So much confidence, in what I'm doing and why. Because He cares! He loves me! He cares me for me and He knows my fears and my desires.

Praise! Both my girls are out of casts. Sophie came with us this week to get Kathryn's cast off on Wednesday in hopes that we could reschedule her appointment for something that would work better with our plans to leave for outreach when doctors decided she was ready to come out of the cast too. Her x-rays look really good, the metal plates and screws have all stayed in place and things look to be healing well. Please continue to pray for her against frustration as she learns what the new normal for her arm will be and deals with the not always pleasant physio therapy once we get to Queenstown. Kathryn's arm looks fabulous on x-ray and it starting to loosen up and get back to normal movement.

Tonight we had a BBQ with the SFC (Snowboarders For Christ) crew for the last weekend here in New Zealand (for part of the school, part of us is staying). I played 3 on 3 basketball with some of our crew. Jennifer Lee you would be so proud of me! I played big D and took a few hits that would make you cheer! Tomorrow everyone is waking up early to head out for a surprise day away that requires "togs, gogs and jandles" or swimsuits, goggles and sandles....wonder what we could be doing.... :)

Please continue to pray for us as we spend our last week together as a school here in Oxford. Next week this time my team will be pulling into Queenstown and getting ready to hit the ground running on our first day of outreach. Prayers for amazing ministry opportunities, safety and blessing as we battle for the Kingdom in this place.





28 August 2012

What's more fun than shots?

https://fundrazr.com/campaigns/3M3K7?psid=ac595ef539134acf96d161f3d501c040

One of the leaders from my DTS, Seth has set up a fundraiser to help raise money for my outreach!

This has been a HUGE encouragement to me. Actually any and all encouragement from him and another one of my staff Jess has been huge because it just means something different coming from someone who has been here, someone who has (literally) walked this road.

Today we took the whole school in to get the travel vaccinations needed for outreach. (I opted out of the Typhoid shot because of finances). But they all took it like a champ and we managed to swing by Brighton Beach on the way home. How can your mood not be lifted by a quick trip to dip your toes in the ocean?

Tonight we watched a documentary on Jonestown and Jim Jones cult. We watched it as an example of what life without Jesus, and evangelism done REALLY REALLY wrong can look like. Our speaker, Steve wanted us to look out for key phrases that would lead a person down that road. "It was there that everyone felt totally and extremely valuable." "It was with them that I finally felt accepted, that I was finally home." All the things that we as the church are supposed to be and provide for a hurting world....It was a really dark movie and afterwards we ended up breaking into a pretty sweet little worship session celebrating what freedom Jesus brings us. Man, I am so blessed that I serve a Father who promises me a HOPE and A FUTURE. I think it really helped to ignite a passion and a furver for the lost. Without Him, I am so lost. Without Him, the world is so lost.

Tomorrow we've got multiple medical visits both in Rangiora and Christchurch. Prayers for answers for what is going on with Sarah's ear, protection and blessing as Kathryn gets her cast off and continued healing of Sophie Joy's arm.

Please continue to pray for my finances as we head into the last week before outreach. (I will post an updated total this weekend after I speak with our accountant). Also continued prayer for the Snowboarders school. That God would give us the stamina and the strength to finish the lecture phase strong, that our outreach preparation would be positive and beneficial and honoring to His heart and that God would continue to rock us in unique and life changing ways.

24 August 2012

When you have fought for something it becomes precious to you.

After finishing the final draft I am aware of how insanely long this update is. If you don't have time to read in all the details of things, I've bolded topics of high concern. Please read as you have time and feel free to please pass on to anyone who could benefit from.

Two weeks from today I will be waking up in Queenstown, New Zealand on the first official day of outreach! I can't believe how fast time feels like it has flown by in the last four months. I can't believe it's once again time for a great transition, great move, great change. 
The new normal
There is so much to say in this time....this is the first time I've walked this journey as staff. As I reread my blog and go through my emails there is a very obvious lack on my part to keep updated and in contact with my supporters, my friends and family. This has been a journey for me in learning how to prioritize, how to make choices and decisions and as a human I realize there are some that I've made wrong. I would've loved to look back over this blog and contact that I have with others and been incredibly satisfied that I've stayed updated and in contact, in many ways I'm sure it would make some of these days, requests, updates easier. There have been many days when I have physically made to-do lists that include blogging, emailing, writing, posting letters and those lists have been replaced by conversations, errands, a  responsibilities, a quick nap, a short adventure, a shift in what I believe the Spirit is telling me in this time. Even this I pray does not read that you are not of immense important to me, to this journey, to my story in this time. My inability to stay in appropriate contact with my family, friends and supporters is not a testament to who you are, but to what I would hope is my growth (which is includes falling and failures) in learning how to balance my job, role and life in this time. I am sorry that in this time it may feel as though the only time I update is to ask for things; prayer, financial support, encouragement. Please hear my heart in that I value all of you reading this so much more than as just a "support" in any way to my life. You are of immense value to me. You are vital. You are important. You are worth more than anything you could give. Change is a privilege reserved for the humble and so I ask that you would understand my desire to finish well, my desire to both be fully present here in this time but also to testify to you at home what God's doing in my life and through you here. 

God is moving here! He is moving in Minnesota, Chicago, India, California, Colorado, Turkey and wherever you are while this is being read as well but I want to share some of the ways He's been moving here and will continue to move here while I have the chance. But first, what a typical week looks like for me:

6:30AM Up. Shower. Check email with hopes of an iphone photo of my nieces. (My sister Jess is phenomenal at making sure at least a few times a week I get to see Isabelle and Faith!)
7:00AM  Get into the dining room to grab breakfast with the students who've managed to get out of bed. This is where my co-leader Tack and one of my outreach guys Jeromy excel. I have never not seen these two men at breakfast; awake, greeting everyone with a hug and "Good Morning" before grabbing their coffee and shoving their noses into the Word. This is a time in the day when my Mother's heart comes out, making quick extra coffees for my girls or fellow leaders who didn't get up in time and dolling out granola bars or bananas before the student's work duties start. 
7:30 AM Get a jolt of Scripture into my system. I've been attempting to read through the Old Testament during this school. (To give you a taste of what that means, in four months reading just Old Testament during this morning quiet time I'm nearing the end of Exodus). I'm taking it slow and always remembering a question Nate posed to me during school: Are these stories in here to show us what TO do or what NOT TO do? I've gotten into quite a few friendly arguments as to whether Joseph's leadership was wise or not. Whether he relied too much on his emotions, whether we as Christian's are allowed to act in the same fashion. I've often gotten discouraged when I look at my bookmark knowing my goal was the whole OT by September but then I think of the men and women whose lives I've gotten a front row seat to; Eve, Noah, Jacob, Joesph, Aaron. As so much of my life has begun to be marked by leadership, I realize I've learned a lot from those guys. This snails pace through the Old Testament has taught me a lot about the type of leader I want to be. (As a side note, I think Joesph was driven by emotion and made a lot silly decisions because of it....I guess I'm in good company).
8:00 AM Staff meeting with Loren, Tack and Stephen (without whom I would not ever be in the place I am today). There is not enough time nor enough words in the English language for me to possibly explain the merit of these men. These are the men you would want at your side walking into battle, these are the men who will take the front line because of their courage or the trenches because of their consistency! These are the men that will not leave the field until the battle is won, the men who leave no one behind! 
9:00 AM Monday -Base worship with everyone who is hear on base now. This includes our school staff, students, base staff and administrators. 
Tuesday- School Intercession. This is one of my areas of responsibility and leading. We've called this "praying with strategy," coming before God on behalf of someone else; another nation, people group, etc. I've seen numerous ones grow huge in prayer in these times, grow in selflessness as God moves hearts for others. 
Wednesdays-Our school heads up to Porter's to snowboard all day. This is not just a snowboard trip. YWAM has set up this school for a specific reason. Here we've drawn a specific kind of people, naturally risky, typically accepting and daring. Drawing young people to a missionary school with a snowboarding focus has strategy. We aim to reach a very specific culture here.
For me, Wednesday's are quite often a medical day. Between my three girls with broken arms (two of which were quite serious) we've spent a lot of time at Christchurch hospital's "bone shop." While I know that not being able to snowboard for most of this school is disappointing I've tried to make this time of learning and fun for the girls. Sharing conversation, prayer and wacky sing-alongs in the car on the hour drive into and out of Christchurch. (Not every experience in town has been wonderful...we've got a story about some really bad Chinese food but that's for another time). But my hope and prayer is that although this was not the plan, that even though squishing into the car for a long drive and often a fair bit of pain is not as fun as hitting powder at Porters that God still speaks to them Wednesdays and we are making memories that will stay with them for years.
Thursdays- We have intercession (praying with strategy) with the whole base. 
Fridays- We have worship with just our school. This has continued to be a time that meshes us as a family, goofy, mismatched, often broken, but complete, cherished and drunk in love before our Father. We've explored lots of different venues for worship in this time. We have an incredibly talented group of students musically and have been blessed in so many ways by their boldness and talent. Just yesterday we spent a lot of this time writing notes of encouragement to each other as Hebrews tells us to do (to encourage) and then spent time dancing at our Father's feet. I'm thankful for Tack's worshipers heart as he leads us in this. He will often during worship stalk the room like a lion, always praying, keeping us together, lighting the fire. 


10AM Lectures start. While I'd been through twelve weeks of lectures with a few of the same speakers when I was here as a student five years ago, so many people were correct when they said you are not finished with DTS until you have staffed and I have learned so much from our lecturers in this time. So in brief: Speaker, topic and "quote of the week."
Week 1- Hearing The Voice of God. Jon and Mari Slack. "God's ultimate purpose is to create families." "Praise completes enjoyment....delight is incomplete until expressed." -CS Lewis
Week 2- Relationships. Matt Dawson. 
"Living doesn't mean you learn anything." 
"Is a Father offended when his child cries out to be taken out of the crib or changed? Why are you not comfortable with that arrangement? As a Father he is totally comfortable with that arrangement." 
"Fear and control always go hand in hand. Love and vulnerability always go hand in hand." 
"Love requires forgiveness. Trust requires resolution. Love is required. Trust is earned." 
"The enemy can reproduce everything but unconditional love!"
Week 3- I missed lectures this week as I was in the hospital with kidney stones.
Week 4-Nature and Character of God. Frank Naea. (In Queenstown) 
"The primary name He wants to be known by is Father
"Where has Fathered you?" 
"Do not lose the ability to be a son by hardening your heart." 
"The enemy fathers you with fatherlessness." 
"Sin is to be fathered by the fatherless one."
Week 5-Lordship of Christ. Mark Parker. (In Queenstown) 
"God will not change your flesh into something pleasing to himself."
"Never work on yourself. Work on fixing your eyes on Jesus." 
Week 6- Bible. Matt Stelpsta/Jon Slack. "The Bible is just like any other relationship, you get out of it what you put in." 
Week 7- Holy Spirit. Gordan Rosewell. 
"But what did godly love do? It fought and bled and died for crap people who didn't deserve it! It was not roses and rainbows. It's blood, sweat and tears. Count me in!!" 
"If there was no element of mystery than we would be god."
"Just because something does not make sense does not mean it's illogical."
"Do not become purely experience orientated Christians."
"Scripture always trumps experience." 
"We need Holy Spirit power to do what we were created to do." 
Week 8- Father Heart of God. Wilson and Erica Sze.
"It's not a job, it's a romance, an adventure, an epic." 
"You are your heart. You cannot change it, only love can."
"If you ever get your act together, it will still just be an act."
"What would we be like if we had never left Eden?..."
"We can only ever know ourselves in love. We are created in His image-the only mirror we can ever use is love." 
"God is not a father who will pull himself away from you to teach you something on your own."
Week 9- Spiritual Warfare. Mandy Hudson. 
"Unforgiveness makes us vulnerable to the schemes of the enemy." 
"Offence is a spiritual cancer that will kill you." 
"Don't build a belief system on expectations." 
"The devil goes after your destiny! One of the ways he does this is to get other people to speak against it." 
1 PM Lunch which includes for everyone almost every other weekly dish crews and clean up.
3 PM (Mondays) We have community work duties which I'm responsible for organizing. This is a time when our school intentionally works hard physically to keep our base running smoothly and help out others in the community in Oxford when we have extra hands. Cleaning cars, taking care of lawns, chopping wood, moving people in the community, getting the base ready for the next school or load of staff, deep cleaning, etc.
(Tuesdays) Steve, Tack and I have Basic Leadership School on Tuesday afternoons while our students have a chance to work on their homework. This is time for the boys and I to meet with our speaker and base leadership and studying, pray and work through the path that we're on. For us this also includes journals, book reports, creative presentations, etc. 
(Thursdays) We have outreach prep as a school lead by our outreach coordinator Kim. This time has been a lot of the physical things that need to get done before we head out in a few weeks; vaccination checks, Visa applications, applying for New Zealand bank accounts. 
(Fridays) This is when we have our weekly evangelism time in Christchurch. This is one of my biggest differences from my school since the quakes have happened. Most of Christchurch has been leveled and left as a ghost town since I've been here so the ministries and opportunities for evangelicalism within the city are few and far between now. A few weeks ago I went in and Steve and I were talking about how sad it is that our students and even some of our staff will never know Christchurch as it was. We've had to get really creative in our outreach oppurtunites, we've done "treasure hunting." Which is where we get the students to pray and ask God for "treasure" be it a color, name, location, anything and then we head in. If they see a person or place with these things they'll ask that person if they can pray for them; they are their treasure. We've had some really awesome testimonies come back from the groups in these times. A few of my girls actually witnessed some miracles last week when God laid a financial burden for someone on Kathryn's heart and she then has money supernaturally to be able to give to this stranger. It's been amazing to see them step out of their comfort zones and take great risks to share the love that they are experiencing in the classroom. 
6PM We eat dinner as a family.
730PM (Mondays) We have evening lecture with our speaker from the current week to make up for the lecture missed on Wednesday snowboarding day.
(Tuesdays) We have outreach prep in our outreach teams. For Queenstown/Malaysia this has been spent in a lot of prayer, research, encouragement and goal setting. Every Tuesday night I leave more excited than I was when I came into the meeting. I am SO encouraged by the team I will help lead into this outreach.
(Thursdays) We have small groups. This has been very obviously one of my favorite parts of being staff on this school. My beloved girls: Alyssa, Sarah, Janie, Kathryn and Sophie Joy continue to amaze, challenge and bless me. (as all the girls share a room and I'm the only female staff. We're a "small group" multiple times a day...most often in the moments before the girls go to bed. My favorite! Praying over, hugging and chatting with my girls at the end of the night will be some of my most precious memories from this time)What has this looked like in our lives? One week we cooked cupcakes for the guys' small groups and I prayed parts of Romans over their lives as the food baked. The week I was sick with kidney infection we shoved all five of their beds together and studied Ruth together. While we were in Queenstown I took the five of them out to dinner at a new 50's diner. We went into Rangiora a few weeks ago and hit the pools/hot tubs (interesting little sight we were I'm sure, the six of us in the lazy river, two with their arms in the air to keep the casts from getting wet). This week we were able to go to a friend's house and I could cook dinner for my girls and make dessert over a bon fire. This week, rest was important.
What am I learning being a small group leader of five of the most beautiful, talented, gracious women I have ever met? TONS! One lesson sticks out recently (and wishes to be shared as one of the participating parties reads the first draft of this). Last weekend we were watching Lord of the Rings in the classroom late Sunday night. There was a group of us sprawled out of the floor with bean bags, the rest sitting behind in chairs ending another crazy week. Sophie was cuddled into her normal spot tucked in my right arm, after a particularly intense scene I see Kathryn get up from the other side of the room and walk over all the other bodies laying the middle of the room to get near me. She laid down in my left arm and wiggled herself around to get the other person next to me to move over so she could fit. I grinned to myself as my view of most of the projector screen disappeared as there heads cuddled next to each other on my chest. Sophie put her uncasted arm out to get me to scratch it and at one point Kathryn took my left hand and moved it to her head to get me to play with her hair. That night while spending some time in the quiet place with God I was thinking about that moment from a different perspective. (And you're going to have to go with the analogy for a little bit here because I know I'm just a crap human....) but I was thinking about myself as my girls in that situation. Sophie started out in my arms but Kathryn very obviously came over when she was scared. And she didn't give a care who she had to step over or whose movie she interrupted by doing whatever it took to get to me. I think too often we waste time making sure everyone else is ok, can see, won't be interrupted in our attempt to get what we need from the Lord. Kathryn didn't care who she got in the way of, she wanted into my arms and so she was going to make sure she got there. Neither her nor Soph asked if they were welcome there. They know me, they trust me. They know that in that time there was nothing they needed to do to be welcome there. They know that I, as I know that God enjoys being the arms. Enjoys finding rest and peace there. I love that they didn't care, Kathryn (as Isabelle often does) took my hand and put it where she wanted it. I think I instinctively know that God will provide what I want but that moment reminded me that my Daddy desires to give me what I want as well. Later I was talking to Sophie about that moment, thanking her for being little in this time so God can teach me what it is to be little as well. When I thought about a memory I have with my sweet Izze girl from the week I left Minnesota to come here. I took her out of school an hour or so after she got there. I knew this was a big deal to her, I knew she would feel important and special. She does not often like to be singled out but I knew she'd been telling her friends what was going on, Auntie was coming to get her from school early and we were going to American Girl Place at the Mall of America! I had set aside time and money to make my girl feel as special as I possibly could. I was leaving and I wanted to bless her as much as was in my power so she would know that she knows, her Auntie loves her! We had reservations at American Girl place for lunch and I had brought her a dress from home so she could change out of her school uniform. I saw the little wheels in her mind turning as we walked to my car, her loving what we were doing but worried that she didn't have her American Girl doll with her but when she got to her carseat she saw I had brought both of them. I had thought of everything. When we got to the restaurant her little eyes were huge, it's pink, it's pretty, it's every little girls dream. It's my little girls dream. We're ordering and there's a cute little pink lemonaid that comes with the children's meals. But behind us was the little smoothie/cookie bar and they kept making these fizzy, fruity little drinks with umbrellas. I watched as she kept looking at them. My girl is so sweet, I knew what she wanted and I knew what she was thinking. She is one of the most thankful babies ever, she was happy and satisfied for what she had but in the depths of her I knew there was one more thing she wanted. Not needed, wanted. She kept looking and finally I looked at her and I said, "Izze ask me what you want." And finally she asked could she have one of those drinks. And I said yes! Gladly. It is my very great joy to give my sweet girl what she wants. Izze didn't sit and weigh my finances, whether I could get her the drink and still afford to pay the bill. She didn't wonder if her asking me would somehow change the way I view her.  Sophie and Kathryn didn't worry if anyone else would think them weak because they wanted to be held. Both my girls here and my sweet baby girl at home knew that I love them and asked to experience that love. Through all of them I am learning how much God wants me to do the same thing.

Saturdays are snowboarding at Mt. Hutt with one staff and a small crew of students staying back to take care of the cooking and cleaning for the weekend. (Which is where you find me-with time for an insanely long blog and three of my students outside the window tanning while we wait to make lunch). 
Sundays are typically the relax day. Most of us go to the Baptist church in town and have started in the last few weeks hitting the Oxford farmers market on the walk back home afterwards for coffees. These little moments with each other are the times I find God in really obvious ways. Whether it be processing church as we walk home, talking about the future: outreach and beyond, sharing a pastry as we witness a divine moment walked out in a little child. Oxford is known in my heart as a place of peace. The foothills, the quiet, the streets I know and recognize, the sunrises and sunsets that I can count on. God has been faithful in meeting me in this place again!  

Spiritual Warfare: With that said our school and my family here has faced immense shaking this week. I know that I must proceed here with wisdom as much of the experience of the last week is still very raw in a lot of us. The calm is beginning to settle, our new "normal" is returning. To honor each other here and the intimacy and intensity of the past week I won't go into a lot of detail of what has gone on. A decision needed to be made this week and it called for a large amount of trust, grace, submission, humility and begging God for peace. In the midst of it most of us didn't know what was going on, or why but forced to trust what we know to be true. God is good. He is a good father and He DOES work all things for good. In the midst of great pain there was the real understanding that we were in the midst of a catalytic event that would bring us together as a family like nothing else could. We knew in the midst of it, that if we could make it through the pain we would come out stronger, with a deeper realization of what it is to be in the Holy of Holies. What it means to give Jesus Lordship over a deeper part of our lives. I beg your grace in my privacy, to understand the God is doing a mighty and awesome work in the our lives, in this school and this time. In time we will have this as another chapter in the story of what God did here. For now, I ask for your prayers. That God would continue to prove Himself as a good father, a faithful provider, a wise Lord. I pray for peace for these people that God has brought into my life to take up residence in my heart. 

 Health: This is a huge area of prayer for me again. This week in the midst of turmoil I had a severe allergic reaction to something I ingested. This is a huge area of spiritual attack to me in the past few years. Growing up I'd never had any allergies and in the past five years I've had four major allergic reactions to things. This last one is incredibly frustrating because I don't know what it was that made me react and how severe it was. Once again I can't credit anything but God's faithfulness and the quick thinking and acting of two people incredibly close to my heart. I am here today because God is faithful. That is both a frightening and amazing reality. I'm asking for prayer for my health. That body would be completely protected from any allergens here and on outreach and that any continuing effects from the chaos of this week would be completely healed. Also pray blessings over the ones who've walked this road with me, I am so grateful they were in the right place at the right time in this one. Man, am I thankful.
Finances- To cut straight and dry I'm in need. Big need. I leave for outreach two weeks from yesterday and I am still $1356 USD short of the money I need to be able to do this outreach. $100 has come in since I last updated. I have tapped every savings account and extra spot I had stashed cash. I am waiting to get a $200 back from my insurance company for money I had to pay out with my kidney hospital visit but best guess is that will not be back in time before we leave. I feel wrong (and I am) getting nervous about this, of anything I know His FAITHFULNESS is written across every event in the last 4 months. I know that I know that my God is faithful. Doing this in a staff role for the first time, I'm learning ways in which I have failed in this area of finding and keeping supporters, ways in which my lack of communication may have played a role, ways in which I should've thought, planned, or done other things, ways in which I should've started saving back in the States earlier, worked harder. Satan threatens lies it's not going to come in, that I can't be successful in this. It's an area of struggle, it's an area in which I'm learning and growing and trying to figure out how to do this responsibly, with grace, sensitiveness, tact, and faith. Creating and asking for financial support is one of the challenging parts of this journey. 

So once again I ask, if this is something you feel you could support please do. There are numerous ways to do that, through personal check, check to YWAM, my paypal button on the top of the screen, YWAM's website or email. Please know when you support me you're not just supporting me. (Literally yes your money is just going to my outreach account) but through that you're supporting Tack, Jeromy, Tore, Jeff, Andy, Alyssa, Janie and Sophie my outreach team. Ministries in Queenstown and Malaysia. My girls and our small group. This school and our ministries here. Your money and financial support spreads so much farther than my trip here. This isn't a trip. This is my ministry, my life and my love. Thank you so so so much for all of your help and support. Thank you. From the depths of me thank you. 

Thank you for reading. Thank you for supporting. Thank you for journeying with me in this. Thank you for believing in the destiny God has spoken into my life. 

With that I've promised my Tore, Jeff, Janie and Kathryn we'd get out of here for a few hours. Be blessed. 



16 August 2012

Can you help me?

It is that time of the school. Where we've announced the outreach teams, started training and had the inevitable finance talk....

For those of your who didn't see the last blog I am co-leading our dual outreach to Queenstown and Malaysia. In September we will be heading down to the south of New Zealand to do outreach in Queenstown. Tack will be leading our team there, working with Snowboarders for Christ, Freedom Church, Lighthouse Church in Wanaka, and some youth ministries down there. The vision for us going to Queenstown for part of our outreach is to become a presence in that place. To get name YWAM known in Queenstown and set a precedence of God's growth, power and presence in having us and eventually a whole base down there. We're going to be spiritually tilling the ground and preparing that place to have a school. In October then we will be heading to Malaysia. We'll be meeting up with the YWAM school that is running there and do ministry with their base. We'll be working with children's ministries, street ministries and supporting the long term missionaries that are there. We also have an incredibly musical team, with an insane amount of talent so I'm very interested to see how God is going to use us creatively in that way. After doing personality tests earlier last week and starting our team meetings we've realized we are working with a very, very relational team. All of us function highly in the relational portions of our brain and I'm excited for what that means when it comes to ministering out of the heart of God's love for His people.

The biggest need right now is for finances. We're planning on purchasing plane tickets for teams this week and there is still some big needs within our school and our team specifically. I am still in need of $1486 USD for my portion of my outreach fees. Two of the other girls on my team are also short of the total monies needed. In this time I am asking people to please pray diligently about supporting me financially on my journey leading the team to Queenstown and Malaysia. I'm at the half way point right now and I know that God has been faithful to the ump-tenth degree. I know and am confidant that he will continue to provide for every need both for me personally and for my dear team. I am asking that you would please consider supporting God's call to missions in my life. I know that about $1500 seems like a lot of money in this time, especially when I am working in a job that does not have a payroll. I know that right now I am completely reliant on God's provision through miraculous means and through the prayer and support of those who know and love me. If you would like to support me in this time there are a couple ways, you can donate online through my paypal. (There is a link in the upper right corner of the blog). You can donate through the YWAM website (add my name in the memo) www.ywamoxford.org or you can send a personal check written to me or YWAM Oxford to
Mandi Stavnaw
PO Box 47
Oxford North Canterbury
New Zealand 7443

Please consider helping me in this journey!! All monies will go towards my outreach fees and be used with integrity. Thank you for joining this adventure!

Pictures from the half way point- Love Feast





07 August 2012

Tick Tick Tick Tick

"Mandi, stop challenging me, my head is going to explode." -Alyssa. 

In so many ways I feel like I've done my job if I can hear that said. Life has continued to roll on here in Oxford. We're towards the end of Angels and Mortals week. It's kind of like YWAM's version of Secret Santa with the great reveal Thursday night at the Love Feast. Today I was INCREDIBLY blessed when I woke up to find two videos posted to my Facebook wall from my sisters and nieces. I can't explain what perfect timing it was today to see and hear all four of my girls in one frame. My little Izze girl who is not actually so little at all. I can't believe how much she has grown, even her little face looks more and more like a big girl and not my baby. Not to mention my little Faithy Lou who looks nothing like this skinny little new born I've only held a few times. She's got this perfect little round head and really bright, bright blue eyes. Everyone says she's really got this cute little, funny, make everyone laugh personality. (Sounds like her Daddy to me!) The night before my "Angel" had had all the guys on our school write me a note of encouragement. Every single one of them called me their big sister; that was SUCH a blessing to my heart. 

We had our first outreach meeting this evening with our teams. It is official that our team will be spending 3 weeks in Queenstown, New Zealand on the snowboard outreach and then 5 weeks in Malaysia on a traditional outreach. I'm honored to be co-leading with Tack and completely faithful in God's grace in picking our team. I'm humbly anticipating great things from them and our wonderful Father in this time. And man, to be honest I'm just getting really excited for it. What an awesome privilege, to be sharing this good news of great love that has brought me all the way to the bottom of the planet to learn, live and love with some of the best people I have ever known. Let's do this!

Speaking of best people, let me say again how much I love, respect and honor Steven and Tack. (The two other SDTS staff). These "little brothers" of mine are actually amazingly capable, anointed, powerful, caring, gentle men of God. I do not know where I would be today if I was not uniquely paired up to live this thing with that. We always find it hilarious when we do personality tests in our leadership school at how well we fit together. It is always so obvious in those times how faithful God was in picking us to lead this thing together. These guys are strong, brave and just funny. I know so often in life, work or ministry people will tell you, I'm for you, I'm in this with you, I'm fighting for you. I don't need to doubt that in these guys because I see it lived out in them everyday. As much as God has been incredibly faithful to His person and purpose in this time He has been so faithful in the men he has brought alongside me in this journey. I love these two guys more than they know!

Thank you again for all the love, support and prayers along the way. I've been super encouraged in my heart this week by really awesome conversations with my family here in New Zealand but also by cool conversations with my Mama, my sister Jess and should be "sister' Heather this week. I love that God still works through relationships even when we are super far away. 

Please be in prayer continually and especially in the next day as I take Kathryn and Sophie back into the hospital for follow ups for the injuries. That healing would be quick and successful. That the casts would stay still and solid so that bones could heal exactly as they should for Kathryn. For Sophie that the plates and screws would fuse to the bone as they should and her incisions would heal quickly and cleanly, that the stiches would hold and heal and that Doctors would have wisdom for the long term. That both girls would be without pain and be able to sleep well. 

BLESSINGS~

03 August 2012

Long Awaited and Overdue

What a crazy and incredible journey I am on. First and foremost my apologies that it has been almost a month since I last updated. As I've said it's been a incredible journey thus far. (About the half way point through lecture phase of the school). One filled with immense amounts of joy, laughter, strength, challenges, new relationships, freedom, grace, faithfulness and a fair amount of tears.
Stephen and Tack. My brothers, co-leaders and heirs in this fantastic journey.

My last entry was written by one of my small group girls as I was in the middle of a crap medical situation, in a desperate cry for additional prayer and financial support. After three days in and out of hospital they agreed on a diagnosis of a kidney stone.  (Which had moved out of my kidney by the time of ultrasound-and passed 36 hours later) and a kidney infection which had spread into my right lung. (The same issue happened five years ago when I was first hospitalized with kidney stones). Doctors here in New Zealand believe it is because my right lung has a contact point with my right kidney which is tilted at an odd angle upward and they are actually touching each other, making it incredibly easy for infection to spread from one organ to the other. They say the touch point is not all that uncommon and does not require any type of correction at this point. Thank you everyone for the prayers and continued support through prayer and finances.Your emails and facebook messages were a huge encouragement as I rested and allowed the antibiotics to do their job.

Continued prayers and petition for finances. God has continued to open doors and provide and I stand in faith with Him for my financial support and well being. The word for this trip has been "faithful" I have never in my life understood God's faithfulness as I have on this trip. From the very beginning of the seats I had on the plane, to my staff team which are some of the most amazing men I have ever met, my indescribably beautiful, loving, teachable, honest girls that click insanely well and make being a small group leader really easy, to the guys on this school that display such amazing servant hood and chivalry, healing, promise after promise has been fulfilled through His name and His word. I have learned to trust in and lean on my Lord for daily sustenance and I know that as we come to the halfway point of this deal and have had major financial hurdles that I was not planning on come up, as outreach creeps up I know that the need for finances and supporters grows. I stand in humble faith that God will continue to meet the need. I will continue to walk in blessing and the ability to bless and support others. If financially supporting the vision and purpose of my heart to disciple young adults and specifically young woman into the freedom and grace God has set apart for His sons and daughters is something you feel convinced of please consider supporting this season in my life. I am incredibly confidant of the ability in God's hand to provide and am also confidant in the love and support I have standing behind me spiritually in this time.  I could not do this, which I am convinced is God's call on my life and the literal walking out of my dreams and goals of adulthood without you. Thank you for making this possible in my life. 

Two weeks ago our school headed down to Queenstown, New Zealand. This has been a tradition of the SDTS since before even my DTS in 2007. Years ago there was a YWAM base down in Queenstown (About 7 hours from where we live in Oxford) and the dream is to someday move the snowboard school back down there. Queenstown is a hub of snowboarding and snowboarding culture. It's within hours of some of the best snowboarding in the Southern Hemisphere and tourists from all over the world head to Queenstown this time of the year. It was amazing to see our students really step out of their comfort zone during our evangelism and ministry times.
Alyssa, Janie, Sarah, Kathryn, Sophie Joy and Me at Lake Takepo. 

Our speakers for those two weeks; Frank Naea and the infamous Mark Parker also traveled down to Queenstown as we attempted to reproduce a typical "school week" down there. Frank's lecture was about the "Nature and Character" of God which focused on new revelation in his life as the ultimate  character of God is as Father. This for obvious reasons was incredibly convicting, touching, and healing for me as a person and a daughter. Man, so much of Frank said was just game changing for me. He taught about the independant, orphan spirit. The idea that we can be good Christians, we can be missionaries, we can be doing all these things for the Kingdom and if we are not satisfied to sit in the arms of the Father as a child we are operating in an orphan spirit. Youch! Frank also I think brought a ton of enlightenment to our crew about the original intentions for the feminine and masculine spirit. That they are both God breathed, blessed and working and active within the church and within the Christian. I know a ton of our students and even our staff found great freedom, healing and redemption in the new revelation and crazy study in Genesis 3. (My second favorite chapter in the Bible). Mark Parker's "Lordship" lecture was very powerful for a lot of our students as once again we went through a very literal reenactment Thursday/Friday of what it took for the Israelites to enter into the Holy of Holies. You will always learn how much you love someone when you watch them come to the cross with all their hurts, pains and secrets and lay them at the cross to find freedom in Christ. I'm amazed at the ability to love, amazed at people's ability for humility, amazed at Jesus' power of redemption.

God worked in my heart in huge ways in Queenstown. Not always in quiet, gentle ways but often in those. I know I'm called into the mission field, fully committed to that. Fully aware of my call and what that will require of me and my loved ones. One of the things I've continued to selfishly hold onto though, is a desire to not do this alone. Granted there is no way you could ever be alone in the Kingdom so much of me has secretly held onto a desire to be married. To have a partner in this crazy adventure, someone that can love and support me in ways only a covenanted partner could. And in ways, even though I feel like I don't actively seek getting this need met in my head and my heart it's been a huge distraction. Living in the USA it's incredibly hard to be my age and be single, and I've allowed myself the fantasy and distraction in my mind because I have not acted on it in the physical. But for me personally the games I play in my head are always so much worse and I've spent years now fantasizing about my dream life instead of living my real one. God proved himself in so many ways in the last three weeks. He is enough for me. He is enough and I am sure of that. In Queenstown I realized and made an intentional decision to give up that fake, fantasy life solid and set on the fact that He is more than enough for me!

Blessed by a loving God and obedient men in my life.

Queenstown was also challenging physically for my girls. Our first Wednesday snowboarding (and my first day snowboarding after healing from kidney issues) we rode at Cordrona. It was a beautiful, blue bird day. Just one of those snowboard days that's the root of it all. Hitting rails and boxes I would not have tried earlier, riding with good music and great friends, down to hoodies by the end. I'd gone in to finish up my day and couldn't find one of my small group girls when I did my mental head count I find myself doing constantly. Later I saw her laughing and crying her way into the chalet with her arm in a sling and wrapped. Ski patrol had been pretty convinced she'd broken her arm so Steve and I loaded a van and headed down the mountain with Kathryn. Let me rep my little Crazy Pants for a minute; we're riding down a mountain bumping the whole way as she sits in the front holding her poor arm in one hand and reading her Bible in the other. My crazy little California girl was actually thanking God for a broken arm because it was giving her a great opportunity for healing. She was convinced when her arm was healed during the x-ray the entire hospital would know the healing power of Jesus. I literally have never met anyone with such an amazing attitude in the midst of horrible pain. What seemed painful at first would turn out to only be more painful as the night went on. Kathryn and I headed to the hospital where we found out unlike what she assumed this was not just a hairline fracture of her wrist. Her arm was sufficiently broken and had slipped out of place. They were going to have to reset it. What they explained to me as an easy and often done medical procedure turned into almost four hours of horrific physical pain for Kathryn and an immense opportunity in faith, courage and self control for Steve and I. Doctors were able to get an empty line in her right arm for an emergency IV but could find no usable veins in her left (broken) arm for any type of anesthesia. After almost five tries they finally stopped because of the excruciating pain she was in the amount of movement to her broken arm it was taking in attempts to find one. Finally they decided to attempt a hemotoma block because they believed she would not regain full function of her arm and hand if they did not reset it. As a leader, big sister and someone who desperately loves this girl this was one of the hardest things I've ever been through. It is so easy to say you would give an arm for someone, so easy to say that you would die for someone; man it's way harder to have to hold them down as they go through pain. I've always talked big about how much I love people, how much I'd be willing to sacrifice for people, I know now that staying is harder. Having to walk through pain with someone without the ability to change, control or fix it is harder. I sit here writing this as she's getting ready for bed; dancing around with her third cast. (At this point we've had it changed once a week because of swelling and slipping and yes she's gotten a new color every time!) After four hours of what I'm sure felt like hell she's still the same girl. Her attitude is still one of the most joyful I've ever met, she still believes she is and is being healed. We had to reschedule her follow up appointment because she refused to miss any of Frank's lectures. Not being able to snowboard has not kept her from the mountain once, every time we've taken a crew up she's been a part of it. Caring for everyone, making everyone laugh, taking pictures, encouraging, loving and witnessesing. 
Kathryn with cast number two. She HATES that sling!

Three days later Steve, Tack and I had taken a small crew back up to Remarkables for snowboarding on Saturday. This was way different from Cardies on Wednesday. Very little snow, lots of ice and NO visibility. Goggles, sunglasses, bare eyes it was ridiculous trying to see anything. Flat white everywhere. It was just an off day. We didn't have our whole school, it had been an optional day riding and we'd run into some problems with our lift passes. Four of us had gotten only half day passes so we'd spent the first three hours up in the lodge with Kathryn having coffee, reading and laughing. I'd quit early and had fallen asleep in the lodge when I got another heart dropping reality check; Sophie had taken a bad fall off a jump and was coming down in the sled with ski patrol.  I told my Mom today that part of me believes I'm ready to be a Mama now after I jumped up ready to take on the world for my next little one with an "owie." When they finally got Sophie down the mountain and near ski patrol where I was waiting I knew this was going to be different, way different from Kathryn's. Kathryn is my screamer whereas Sophie is my silent one. She spoke a little bit when she saw me and I glimpsed her arm momentarily while they were taking her out of the sled; Her arm was bent at such a grotesque angle that only one thing went through my mind; surgery. Hours later it would turn out I was right. At the mountain it was realized Sophie was very near to a complete compound fracture and so they attempted a hemotoma block with her as well in attempts to move the broken bone away from the skin in her arm and save her from risk of major infection if the bone were to poke all the way through. A while later her and I were in the back of an ambulance headed down to Queenstown. As soon as we got x-rays in Queenstown they said almost immediately we needed to head down to Invercargill (The Southern most city in the world!) for surgery. (She got antibiotics and tetanus shots there as sometime between the original fall and when we saw it again hours later the bone had managed to slip through the skin in her arm.)This time they would not allow me to ride the two and a half hours south so Steve headed back to camp to get a car and the most random weekend bags ever! Many hours later we were sitting with Sophie in the ER when we found out more details of what had happened. Basically what we were told was she had turned her arm into dust, we'd find out more details the next day when talking to her surgeon. In the end there were three pieces of bone left to work with in her arm and about a hundred that had to be removed. Surgeons and medical staff continued to tell us in fancy words this was one of the worst x-rays they'd seen. The next morning she was transferred to the Children's Ward where they had an open bed and we were allowed to stay with her. (MAJOR BLESSING!) Sunday afternoon she was finally taken into surgery where they ended up bone grafting from her hip and putting in several plates and screws. Whereas staying by Kathryn's side had been incredibly difficult having to let go of the side of her hospital bed as they took Soph into surgery was by far the most difficult part of walking this road with her, letting go and waiting for hours to see her again. I could not have ever guessed a little over a month ago meeting her for the first time thinking I'd ever have to let someone else wheel her away and I hold my breath for four hours waiting to get her back. I was texting Sophie's parent's through out and I said I can't imagine it feeling any different had they wheeled away one of my biological sisters, there is so much going through your head in that moment. I am so thankful for Stephen. For his ability not only to care for precious Sophie but also to play the man to both of us, he would send me texts during the night as I stood by her bed, "Mandi she's sleeping, sit down and go to sleep." By the time we got to Invercargill we'd had experience relying on each other through trauma with Kathryn, understood the way the other functions in crisis. At twenty I am blown away by his maturity, respect for women, gentleness, ability, self control and empathy. We spent hours praying, singing worship and reading Scripture over Sophie as she waiting for surgery and even longer waiting for her to start to wake up and recover from the ordeal. It took days for her little body to be able to bounce back from surgery and Doctors said we should be satisfied with 70-80% recovery of the original use of her arm and hand but we know we serve a God who created bones from nothing, so a bone that's been shattered to dust is nothing for him. I'm in awe of the grace and poise Soph's displayed through this ordeal. My fiercely independent, sparky little warrior does not find it easy to ask for or accept help. This has rendered her previous mode of self protection all but useless as she'd been forced especially those first few days to rely on me in ways that she had not relied on a person since childhood; and me a woman she'd met only months earlier. I've seen her learn huge lessons about God's power as provider and protector as she'd been forced to be small. Forced to be little in His arms, trusting Him and the people He's put in her life.
We couldn't decide whether to laugh or cry at how teeny she looked; like Snow White.

I'm reverently aware of what a weighty task it is that God has given me here. The journey that our students are on is life changing. I know my life is completely different than it would have been had I never come here five years ago. I know how much is on the table here and I am SO SO thankful that my God is big. I could never walk this road without His unending, gentle strength. I said earlier that He is faithful. In every way I am seeing that lived out here.

Speaking of life change, another big one is official now; OUTREACH. This year we are sending two teams out. Stephen will be taking a team to Costa Rica and Tack and I will be leading the snowboard outreach back into Queenstown for half our time and then onto Malaysia.
First official photo of team Queenstown/Malaysia after teams were announced!
Alyssa, Andrew, Tack, Tore, Janie, Me, Sophie, Jeromy and Jeff.

Sorry for such a HUGE update but I know there is a lot that happened in the last month. I commit to updating more often, at least for the next month while I have (mostly) reliable internet. If you feel led to support me through prayer shoot me off an email or facebook message and if financially hit the donate button up top. Care packages are always appreciated as well. (Wink Wink).