Update on Finances

I've been incredibly stressed out about missions finances lately. Lately? Let's be honest I've been stressed about finances since I accepted the staff position in New Zealand. I knew when I said yes two months before I needed to fly out that getting financies was going to be hard. I knew it would take incredible amounts of faith, trust and hard work on my part and lots of generosity and obedience of tons of family and friends. I was reading the blog of another missionary this morning and she was talking about what it's like to raise funds as a missionary. She said 99% of the world does not understand what it's like to enter into a career where you have to raise your own income. Where you literally, in humility have to ASK people to pay you to be able to feed your family, continue your ministry, bless someone else. Working sometimes twenty four hours a day knowing no pay check is guaranteed. She said there are times when she sits with knots in her stomach wondering if enough is going to come in this week to be able to continue her ministry. It's a frightening, humbling, awesome place to be.

While a lot of that stress just kind of comes with the territory, it has at points though become distracting from what I believe God is trying to speak into my heart in these last few weeks before I head out. Seeing this, my best and incredibly insightful friend Jennifer challenged me to "fast" from checking finances this last week. She told me to continue to blog, update on facebook, tweet, and generally work my butt off to get finances but if anything came in, to put it aside and focus on other things. This meant no checking paypal or emails that updated me on account information. I knew stuff had come in and the first few days it took incredible self control to put the envelopes in a file and move on. My sister would see them in the mail and ask how much had come in, I'd have to tell her I wasn't checking.

Today was the end of that week and so I opened envelopes, wrote "thank-you's", crunched some numbers and met with a friend whose committed as one of my financial prayer warriors. And here's the details...

$1875 has come in so far!

$750 has been donated to me personally for my flight, New Zealand VISA, license and insurance.
$925 has been donated to YWAM for my school fees, room, board and outreach.
$200 has been given that was unspecified.

First and foremost: PRAISE GOD THE GIVER AND CREATOR OF ALL THINGS! In less than a month almost half of the total finances needed have come in.

Half? You might ask.... Isn't $2000 only a quarter of what is needed? True (Thanks Mrs. Virchow's 1st grade Math class for the 1/2 and 1/4 review this week) $2000 is only a quarter of what is needed but my church has decided to be my sending church and carry a large portion of the financial burden. What they are requiring is that I raise a quarter of the total that I need before I leave (A little more than $2000) and when that has been raised or pledged they will release another quarter of the total to YWAM. Which means: I'm only $125 short of that first $2000 needed! (So in this case a quarter actually means half).

So here's where I stand:
After the $125 comes in and church can release the next quarter of funds:
$2000 of the $3100 needed for outreach will be in!
$1050 of the $1650 needed for base fees will be in!
The $750 Activity fee will be completely paid for!
$750 of the $2100 needed for my flight/travel insurance will be in!


So this is where you can come in. Not everyone can pack up and head down to New Zealand this year but God has called me to and you can come along and join in this adventure both spiritually (through prayer, support and encouragement) and physically (through financially partnership, support or donation).

• The immediate need is for that last $125 to come in to push total raised to $2000 and allow church to release their quarter of funds. (If you feel led to give this money it can be to YWAM Oxford or me personally. The required $2000 is TOTAL money raised). 
• The second most important need is for the other $1350 needed for my flight and travel insurance. Flights into New Zealand bounce between $1800-$2000 USD on any given day, we are hoping and praying that by working with a missionary travel agent that we are able to get the plane ticket down to around $1600. 
• Thirdly I am praying for two individuals or families that would be willing to partner with me financially at $100/month May-November. This would provide the rest of my base fees, VISA, license and flight charges (I will need to change my flight in August to comply with New Zealand immigration laws). If you feel led to give on a monthly basis and would like to set up a recurring payment plan please contact me personally and we can set that up. 

I spoke at a meeting of our Young Adults ministry at church a few weeks ago and my Pastor Nate got up after me and told our group (bluntly) that my financial need is the most felt, in your face needs right now. And he's right, finances is what is on my mind and the thing that is easiest to quantify. I am lacking right now and there is a huge need but I am also encouraged. In less than a month we are just $125 short of the half way point. I have 23 more days here to raise the other half. I believe God can do this! I believe God is doing this! ( $100 was donated this morning before 9am! And that was by a fellow missionary with no income!! She had an overabundance of financial blessing this week and poured some of that overflow unto me!) And so I pray that God would speak to you clearly if you should give and how much. All support is appreciated and will be used with integrity. (Just fyi: I have a team of three that are set to be a financial accountability to me, in prayer for and with me. One of them acting as "missionary financial advisor.") There are a few ways to give if you feel lead: 

• Personal check to either myself or YWAM Oxford.
• PayPal. (mandistavnaw@gmail.com) or the convenient PayPal "Donate" button above. :) 
• If you desire to set up recurring monthly payments please contact me directly and I can lead you in the right direction.

Secondly (but no less important) is the need for spiritual and emotional support. The kingdom of darkness is in crisis as I and the others that will be part of this school prepare to go. I (as I'm sure they are) starting to feel this crisis. I desperately need prayer. A supernatural covering that will keep me in Gods loving hand, drenched in His peace and joy as I walk this journey. My prayer is that my ears and heart will be stopped up against the lies of the enemy. That the false identities, false ideas and false emotions would not find root in my heart or mind. I pray that the last twenty three days I have in Minnesota before this new adventure would be marked by supernatural protection, joy, grace, peace and provision. If you feel led to pray for me please let me know! I was so blessed by a family who added a post-it to their support check saying "Praying for you" and by a friend who asked for extra "Mandi magnets" to keep me visible even while I'm gone to pray for me daily. 

I have a dear friend whose an Atheist and whose moral code won't allow her to donate money to help send me into missions but wants me to know she supports me as a friend and wanted a list of physical items I need for my trip. Yes, there is a list of physical items I still need! Such as a mosquito net, head lamp, malaria pills, sleeping pad are a few, if you would like a copy of this list please let me know. One of the most common items a female missionary needs is an ankle length skirt, one of the "Mama's" in my life is making me one! 

I need prayer! I love cards, letters, emails, texts of encouragement. ;) Feel free to comment a "Keep your chin up" here on my journal or any of my social media pages. Please know I have been so blessed by all of you. So many people have shared excitement with me over my trip. Giddiness at this new adventure. Joy at my opportunities. Thank you, thank you, thank you for everyone who has gone out of their way to love and and support me in this journey and this time. I am so blessed and excited for the team and "family" I have standing beside me as I step out in this great adventure God is calling me on. I'm excited at the miracles I know are going to pour out in the next twenty three days and the next seven months. Tonight ends the last full month I'll be in Minnesota for until December. CRAZY! Let's do this! God's doing a mighty work in my life and in all the communities I find myself in. Go big or go home!

Let's do this!!

The Very Worst Missionary

Tonight we had our Multicultural family night at work. Part of that included Target's food distribution where Target pairs up with CEAP to provide bags of groceries for the families in our school. Target's team of volunteers has included none other than the best friend for the past two years so tonight was no different. Except that all the women in my family were busy and I was the only one with a short break between commitments to grab Izze. So Izze became a little Target volunteer tonight. It blessed my heart to see her following her Auntie around, helping to bag groceries and interact with kiddos. (In khaki and red to boot!)

Yanno, a few months from now I look forward with eager anticipation of updating this blog. Some small victory one of my small group girls is walking in, a healing that has taken place, a last ditch effort for finances that has come in, an out pouring of joy. I look forward to the victories I know will take place. But tonight, tonight I had to take inventory of my failures. Tonight, I had to once again define what this journey means and is going to mean for me. 

For me this decision has not been an easy one. This decision for me was not whether or not to take a trip but to change life paths. I don't plan on coming back to the life I lead today. Whatever, wherever or whoever I will be at the end of this first assignment, this is a change that I am making for life and with my life. I have to understand that, perhaps I need to communicate that. 

Secondly for me a missionary identity has never been one of perfection. I hope that when people I love and care about hear that I am going to be a missionary they do not assume that I believe I am perfect and that reaching a mountain top of spiritual, physical and emotional perfection has been reached and that is why I can be sent out to minister in the nations. I do not see or assume missionaries are any better or more holy than anyone else. I do not believe they are anymore talented, gifted or blessed. That's not the case....by any stretch of the imagination. 

I am a failure. I am a broken, bruised, sinful human being. I deserve death and my sins, choices, patterns and behaviors are worthy of a life separated from perfection. And that is where I would stay if I was without Christ. I know this. And while (as the person who knows me best pointed out) I wear a tough-you-can't-touch-me attitude I know that I am not perfect and I am deeply effected by my actions or inaction and interactions. I know that I am a screw up. I know that I have made decisions that are not right, not wise, not a good or proper witness of Christ. I know that I have been lazy and taken the easy way out, I know that I have spoken when I should have stayed quiet, and stayed quiet when I should have spoken. I am not oblivious to my humanity. I have struggled for years of my life to see myself as anything BUT my past mistakes and it seems as thou now, years later I have slid to the opposite side of the spectrum or at least what I portray is that I believe I don't make any. I make mistakes, I know that. I'm just as messed up as the next person. 

But I've come to know that does not discredit me from taking a place in the wonderful story Jesus is writing through history. It didn't discount Paul, or Peter, or the woman at the well or Rehab or Jonah or Thomas or Jacob, or David or Joseph. Terrorists, tax collectors, prosititues, womanizers, liars, cheaters, thieves, corporate scum. They in all their humanity, in all the messed up, ragamuffin, messy spirituality were recorded as scripture as examples of the little people in this world God chooses to use to change history. These men and woman changed Scripture and history in the midst of who they were. And while this is no way means I think I can live however I want and wave my Jesus flag. There is a right and a wrong. I'm well aware that outside of heaven I cannot conquer my flesh. I can try my best and attempt to live surrendered and put myself on the alter, but I know that outside eternity I'm never going to be perfect. I've spent way too many years of my life trying to be and waiting to be before I move. I'm never going to get there and if I wait too long my waiting becomes my disobedience. 

Matthew 28 commands us to "go into all the nations and teach them to be disciples." Matthew 28 doesn't say "wait until you have your stuff figured out, your Masters and mortgage, your ducks in a row and everyone's approval and then head out when it's convenient to your vacation schedule." I've been personally convicted that is says; go, send or disobey. And God has opened a door for me to go. So I'm going. I may be the very worst missionary, but I'm going. 

If you are reading this and my journey has personally offended you or made you uncomfortable I am sorry.  I do desire to be a person of humility, I desire to be a person that makes my sisters and my nieces proud, I desire to be a person who honors God. I am human, I make mistakes and many of them have involved people (as most mistakes go). I wear the mask that says I don't care and can't be touched and I do and I can. I do not desire to fall into the same traps of being so bound by my past mistakes that I can't move forward and so if in that self protective hedge I have made myself into someone who seems as though they don't care how their actions effects others I'm sorry. I have made mistakes yes, but I refuse to stay chained to them and I refuse to let them drive my decisions. 

I may be the very worst missionary but God has opened a door into New Zealand and of that I am convinced. I'm nothing special, just another vessel. While my journey is very special and unique to me there are thousands all over the world getting ready to do the same thing. There are girls right now from somewhere in the world that God is preparing to be my small group girls in New Zealand and I pray that they are not being prepared to meet me or interact with me or have a relationship with me, I pray that I'm simply a vessel. A body and a mouth and hands and feet that can be Jesus to them. A wine skin or a clay pot or a puppet, whatever it is I need to be for God to use me to reach them, I'm willing. God has not done some magnificent magic trick that has turned me into a Super Saint or Power Preacher, I'm just a silly, procrastinating, sassy, emotional, fire cracker girl from Minnesota. That's what I love about YWAM. While God could very well call me to preach or teach or do something public for his name first and foremost I'm just called to go there to love on these girls. My first responsibility is to pray for, with and over these girls. To love them. To walk with them on this crazy, missionary journey that God is growing them to be on. They are the Superstars in this show. This is God's major production in THEIR lives, I'm just a stagehand. I love that! I'm excited for that. I've had a really, really good example of that for years and I'm ready to put that into practice. I'm a mess-up, ya you bet. I know that. But I know I'm an awesome, loved, cherished daughter of God with one Judge. And He has opened a door for me. And when God has set to do something the gates of hell will not stand against it!

Sometimes this journey is confusing

This afternoon I was outside with my first graders. A group of about ten of them were off to the side of the playground digging in a section of red dirt they've been working on for days. They've made what looks like a mini Grand Canyon, two inch deep paths through the dirt that snake around from one side of the path to the other. In their self appointed governmental system the other kids have decided the consequences are not worth the excitement of caving in the little paths and so after days of working on dirt that has some how been set "off limits" to any "non workers" they really have created quite the little engineering piece. I think it hit close to seventy degrees around recess time this afternoon so the spring time bees, moths and butterflies have started making their first appearances. At some point in our thirty minutes outside I realized this small little group of kiddos had been particularly still and quiet around their little dirt village. After all the years I have worked with children one of the top five lessons I have learned is when kids gather, especially when they gather quietly it is never a good thing. Something naughty is being talked about, done or hidden. So I snuck over to try to catch them in the act. Instead I found eight or nine little heads bowed in prayer! Someone had accidently killed a butterfly and they had created a little alter built up on a little hill in the middle of their valleys where they laid the broken "bug", placed dandelions and pretty grasses around it and were praying that "Jesus would take our butterfly to heaven so he can play with us when we meet him there."

Are you kidding me?! Sometimes God is so confusing. I was going over to break up what I was convinced would be some gathering of disobedience what I found was the epitome of innocence. As I walked away (laughing) I thought about opposite this occurrence was to what I expected, what I've been functioning in.

I have been so confused lately. Partly because I've been so inundated with information, tasks, and commitments. Trying to balance time to focus, pray, plan and enjoy this journey has been overwhelming. I fear that I would loss priority, that I shift focus to everything to must be done instead of why I'm doing this. It's confusing. I know that people don't agree. I know that lovely, God-fearing, people who love me don't agree with what I'm doing. That leaving a good paying job that I love to fly across the world and work my butt off for no salary does not make sense is and may not be economically or educationally or socially smart. But sometimes God's confusing. And sometimes what He calls us to is confusing. Sometimes what He's calling us to is unconventional, or surprising, or scary, incredibly risky, and totally unlike what we thought it would be.

But does that mean that it's wrong? If it's something that never been done before can it not be done? Sometimes things are confusing because we just don't have the capability to understand everything yet. And I wonder if I can trust Him without knowing everything? Can I trust Him in the limited knowledge and immature understanding? Is that enough to throw my whole life into something?

A few years ago when Isabelle was a toddler we'd begun to tell her about Jesus and how to have a relationship with him. Unbeknownst to us she would become the perfect example of sometimes...Jesus is really confusing. This particular night we'd had a conversation with her about accepting Jesus into her heart and put her to bed. We were downstairs later watching a movie or doing some equally awesome thing adults do after they put kids to bed when we heard her start coughing. (Poor thing was diagnosed with asthma shortly after birth like most kids in our family). We ran up to make sure she was ok and calm her down in hopes of getting her to go back to sleep. "Isabelle what's wrong?' One of asked, more in attempts to get her to focus on talking instead of hacking.

"I asked Jesus to come into my heart but he got stuck in my throat"

Sometimes....Jesus is confusing...But he is always...ALWAYS...right!

Other Things to Focus on...

Today I'm closer to leaving than I am to staying. I need to say that again...

Today I am closer to leaving that I am to staying. We past the month mark for the most part unscathed. I still checked kayak.com a million times yesterday to see if there would be a random drop of hundreds of dollars for the plane ticket (to no avail) and went to the Chimp movie with my sister, her best friend, and the little kids. Something is oddly comforting about passing that point...something feels like I've past the point o fno return. Like my brain is trying to tell my heart, "It's no use worrying anymore, now it's time to prepare."

Which put me in bed around 12:30 last night. Knowing I have twenty some odd days left in Minnesota, there are plenty of relationships I want to invest in before I leave for a while. Last night one of my best friends was texting from Chicago and asking what she could do to help me right now, I told her to pray and pray hard. To tell people about my story, get them praying and giving and finaly to get up here and hug me herself. ;) I should have told her to get up here quick and relieve my best friend Jen as well. Jenny has been so awesome the last month and some (don't get me wrong she's been great for the last 14 years but specifically the last month) as I've been accepted, prayed and struggled with my decision to go or stay, started to raise support and deal with opinion and ideas of people who don't agree. As I've struggled with lies from the enemy that I am too much or too little to do this thing. Almost daily she'll get a text seeking some affirmation, wisdom, truth or encouragment and without even stopping the pace of the day she's text back with just that. So much of who I am as a leader is because I have been at her side for last how many years as she's learned how to be one.

And I know in a few weeks I will wish my little terd was there to shove the musical Justin Bieber electric toothbrush in my face to wake me up but today? I just wanted to break it!

Izze, Jen and I. (The Bieber toothbrush is not pictured!!)

As always please continue to pray for this journey. And if you felt lead, give financially I am still $6000 short of the total finacial need.  THANKS!

One month and one day.

Tomorrow morning it will be exactly one month from the day I will leave Minnesota and head back to New Zealand to start doing full time missions. In many ways this is incredibly intimidating. Fundraising is going slowly and my finances are not coming in as quickly as I had hoped. I will be honest when I say I am getting very scared that money needed, specifically the moneys needed for my flight is not going to come in in time. Yet, in so many ways I realize this is a fleshy, nasty fear that has no place in the Kingdom of God. Romans says "God has not given me a spirit to fall back into fear." So, So many doors have already been supernaturally opened.

• The luggage that I was set to buy turned out to be on clearance from $175 to $35 the morning I went to pick it up!
• REI only had one more of the sleeping bag that I wanted and so because I was willing to take the floor model they chopped off half the price and I got a $220 sleeping bag for $47!
• Last night at a friend's bachlorette party I won $118 playing BINGO! 
• All last week my old job was dealing with some crisis and needed an extra pair of hands, those hands were mine and I picked up extra hours everyday last week!
• A woman I've only met a handful of times heard about my story and donated.
• A family from church that has come around me and supported me in numerous ways in the last year gave me two substantial donations that brought me to tears. 
• My church has pledged to support over 1/4 of my entire trip as soon as half the total money comes in.

Looking at that list the doors opened seem so much more numerous than the ones that are not opened yet. It is with much in-trepidation that I head into the next four weeks. Once again the next few weeks (as the last few weeks before my 2007 journey) their are a few major events between here and now. Dear friends Jon and Nicole are getting married in early May, best friend Bitsy is coming up to visit, and of course the much anticipated birth of my second dear little niece Faith Isabelle. The next four weeks are going to fly by, there are many things I have yet to do, many races I want to still finish strong.

A few days ago I checked the school website (www.ywamoxford.org) at the staff profiles and I'm up! It's just a goofy mini biography and an old photo but it was in someway this huge milestone to me. It's up. It's official! I'm going!

Tomorrow morning I'm going to wake up with a month left in Minnesota and a whole lot of a miracles that still need to be done. But a month from now I'll be posting a last blog, anxious and unable to sleep reading to head out. Ready to do this crazy, awesome, amazing, fearful adventure that God is calling me on. I'm not perfect, I'm not even great at this, I'm scared, I've got a lot of weaknesses but my heart is willing. "Here I am God, send me."

And here are some photos from Jessi's baby shower this afternoon. Dan is sporting his "Daddy-Survival-Kit" he got from Abbi.

 

And all of us ladies. Myself, Izze, Abbi, Sissy and Faith Isabelle on board for a few more weeks (or days if my prayers are answered) 

Sacrifice and privilege

Everyday this craziness becomes more real. Last night I met with the missions board at my church and they laid hands on me and prayed for me. They prayed for my spirit, finances, the students we will be ministering to, the girls and family I will be leaving behind. It hit me when they first gathered around me, "I'm being prayed over by the missions board...this is it...I'm going..."

Then today I got an email with the details of their incredibly generous financial support. Another door has been opened and I'm being asked to walk through. Another and huge portion of the finances (more then 1/4 has been provided for).

I've been reading (and actually finished) a book by Loren Cunningham the last two days. One of the ideas he posed was, many people who've been raised "on the field" or "in the ministry"; children whose parents have been in full time ministry will often leave the faith or rebel against it in their adulthood. His theory is that often these children are only exposed to or hear the adults speaking of "the sacrifice" of serving the Kingdom, "the sacrifices of forsaking everything for the cause of Christ" And while all of the above are true and biblically commanded. His thought was that perhaps we should focus rather on the privilege and the honor of serving Christ. This was incredibly convicting for me. I know almost everything I say is heard by Isabelle's little ears. Not only is she very age appropriately noisy but she's very much like her Auntie in that she's is almost instinctively observant of the ones she loves.  It seems as thou no matter how quietly I attempt to speak or how coded my conversation she'll know exactly what I'm speaking about. I know that she has gathered her own facts and has heard me talk about the sacrifice this ministry is going to cost me. The things I will miss, the struggles. I know that in many ways my leaving will not be an easy thing for Isabelle, And while I have no children of my own, she in many ways is whom I'm building a spiritual legacy for. I don't want Isabelle to look back or even try to deal with me being gone as purely sacrifice. I want her and everyone I'm a witness to right now to know and hear from me how much of a honor and privilege this venture is.  Who am I that God should chose me to go, bless me with family and friends to support for me? I am blessed beyond belief to be given ranks in his army. I do not take this lightly. Yes, it will be a HUGE sacrifice and that's obvious but at the end of the day, I am speechless, tear filled and in awe of the challenge and blessing God has in front of me.

The Official Letter

Dear Family and Friends,
I hope this letter finds everyone happy, healthy and enjoying a beautiful spring.I wanted to share with you the newest adventure God is taking me on. As most of you know in 2007 I was blessed to be a part of Youth With a Mission in New Zealand. Two weeks ago I was accepted to go back to New Zealand and staff this year's Snowboarders Discipleship Training School. I’ve being given a chance to help mentor and disciple a new generation of young missionaries. I am beyond excited, nervous, passionate, anxious and proud of be a part of YWAM again and what God is doing through their ministry. While the details have changed somewhat the school is in many ways the same. I will be heading to New Zealand in May to start staff training. In June, students will arrive and we will start the lecture phase of the school. This is the education, training, discipleship portion. In the fall we will split into smaller teams and head into the outreach phase of the school. Which is the practical, putting-the-previous-three-months into practice portion. Last year’s teams went to Turkey, India, Malaysia and Jordan.
One of the biggest obstacles in front of me right now is financial. There is physically no way I can do this on my own. Thankfully I trust in a God who does not expect me to. I know as I sit here tonight I’m not getting into New Zealand without God’s miracles through you. This is always the most humbling part of being in missions, asking people to prayerfully consider supporting financially. So I ask if you and your family would please consider supporting me in any capacity.
The first and most pressing need is for finances to purchase my flight into New Zealand along with travelers insurance which I have to have to enter the country. This will be about $1600.
The second need is for finances while in New Zealand. My base fees are $95/week. (Appx 17 weeks on base=$1650) Transportation/Activity Fee: $750 (Covers NZ transportation, school books, snowboarding costs, etc). $300 is needed for visa extensions and my New Zealand drivers license.
The third financial need is for my outreach fees due in July, $3750 (Flights to and from outreach country, room/board while abroad).
There are a few ways you can support financially. You can send a personal check written either to “YWAM Oxford” which will support all my base fees, activity fees and outreach fees or to me personally which will go to support my plane ticket, travelers insurance, visa extensions and license.
The last need and most important need is for prayer. There is a huge need, but all the money in the world could never compare to having a team at home journeying to New Zealand with me in prayer. Prayers for financial provision, protection, growth and most importantly that God would be known and honored amongst the nations. I am humbled and honored to walk this road. I am speechless at the blessings, encouragement, and joy that have already been poured out.


For those of you receiving this electronically and desire to donate or support financially please see the link on the upper left side of my blog home page. You support is appreciated more than you can know and makes this ministry a possibility. In His grace, hope, peace and truth,

Mandi