Sacrifice and privilege

Everyday this craziness becomes more real. Last night I met with the missions board at my church and they laid hands on me and prayed for me. They prayed for my spirit, finances, the students we will be ministering to, the girls and family I will be leaving behind. It hit me when they first gathered around me, "I'm being prayed over by the missions board...this is it...I'm going..."

Then today I got an email with the details of their incredibly generous financial support. Another door has been opened and I'm being asked to walk through. Another and huge portion of the finances (more then 1/4 has been provided for).

I've been reading (and actually finished) a book by Loren Cunningham the last two days. One of the ideas he posed was, many people who've been raised "on the field" or "in the ministry"; children whose parents have been in full time ministry will often leave the faith or rebel against it in their adulthood. His theory is that often these children are only exposed to or hear the adults speaking of "the sacrifice" of serving the Kingdom, "the sacrifices of forsaking everything for the cause of Christ" And while all of the above are true and biblically commanded. His thought was that perhaps we should focus rather on the privilege and the honor of serving Christ. This was incredibly convicting for me. I know almost everything I say is heard by Isabelle's little ears. Not only is she very age appropriately noisy but she's very much like her Auntie in that she's is almost instinctively observant of the ones she loves.  It seems as thou no matter how quietly I attempt to speak or how coded my conversation she'll know exactly what I'm speaking about. I know that she has gathered her own facts and has heard me talk about the sacrifice this ministry is going to cost me. The things I will miss, the struggles. I know that in many ways my leaving will not be an easy thing for Isabelle, And while I have no children of my own, she in many ways is whom I'm building a spiritual legacy for. I don't want Isabelle to look back or even try to deal with me being gone as purely sacrifice. I want her and everyone I'm a witness to right now to know and hear from me how much of a honor and privilege this venture is.  Who am I that God should chose me to go, bless me with family and friends to support for me? I am blessed beyond belief to be given ranks in his army. I do not take this lightly. Yes, it will be a HUGE sacrifice and that's obvious but at the end of the day, I am speechless, tear filled and in awe of the challenge and blessing God has in front of me.