This afternoon I was outside with my first graders. A group of about ten of them were off to the side of the playground digging in a section of red dirt they've been working on for days. They've made what looks like a mini Grand Canyon, two inch deep paths through the dirt that snake around from one side of the path to the other. In their self appointed governmental system the other kids have decided the consequences are not worth the excitement of caving in the little paths and so after days of working on dirt that has some how been set "off limits" to any "non workers" they really have created quite the little engineering piece. I think it hit close to seventy degrees around recess time this afternoon so the spring time bees, moths and butterflies have started making their first appearances. At some point in our thirty minutes outside I realized this small little group of kiddos had been particularly still and quiet around their little dirt village. After all the years I have worked with children one of the top five lessons I have learned is when kids gather, especially when they gather quietly it is never a good thing. Something naughty is being talked about, done or hidden. So I snuck over to try to catch them in the act. Instead I found eight or nine little heads bowed in prayer! Someone had accidently killed a butterfly and they had created a little alter built up on a little hill in the middle of their valleys where they laid the broken "bug", placed dandelions and pretty grasses around it and were praying that "Jesus would take our butterfly to heaven so he can play with us when we meet him there."
Are you kidding me?! Sometimes God is so confusing. I was going over to break up what I was convinced would be some gathering of disobedience what I found was the epitome of innocence. As I walked away (laughing) I thought about opposite this occurrence was to what I expected, what I've been functioning in.
I have been so confused lately. Partly because I've been so inundated with information, tasks, and commitments. Trying to balance time to focus, pray, plan and enjoy this journey has been overwhelming. I fear that I would loss priority, that I shift focus to everything to must be done instead of why I'm doing this. It's confusing. I know that people don't agree. I know that lovely, God-fearing, people who love me don't agree with what I'm doing. That leaving a good paying job that I love to fly across the world and work my butt off for no salary does not make sense is and may not be economically or educationally or socially smart. But sometimes God's confusing. And sometimes what He calls us to is confusing. Sometimes what He's calling us to is unconventional, or surprising, or scary, incredibly risky, and totally unlike what we thought it would be.
But does that mean that it's wrong? If it's something that never been done before can it not be done? Sometimes things are confusing because we just don't have the capability to understand everything yet. And I wonder if I can trust Him without knowing everything? Can I trust Him in the limited knowledge and immature understanding? Is that enough to throw my whole life into something?
A few years ago when Isabelle was a toddler we'd begun to tell her about Jesus and how to have a relationship with him. Unbeknownst to us she would become the perfect example of sometimes...Jesus is really confusing. This particular night we'd had a conversation with her about accepting Jesus into her heart and put her to bed. We were downstairs later watching a movie or doing some equally awesome thing adults do after they put kids to bed when we heard her start coughing. (Poor thing was diagnosed with asthma shortly after birth like most kids in our family). We ran up to make sure she was ok and calm her down in hopes of getting her to go back to sleep. "Isabelle what's wrong?' One of asked, more in attempts to get her to focus on talking instead of hacking.
"I asked Jesus to come into my heart but he got stuck in my throat"
Sometimes....Jesus is confusing...But he is always...ALWAYS...right!
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