Sometimes I struggle with blogging...and keeping people's view of the fish bowl visible.
I often struggle to write because I don't have any new photos of me holding orphans or feeding thousands. I don't have any stories of preaching on a street corner or holding revival services anywhere in New Zealand. I often forget to take photos of improv worship services at the look out, late night prayer with my roommates, and it would be inappropriate to try and photo document relationships growing through conversation and experience It's hard to ask for financial support when you can't send home billeted lists of all the ministries you're a part of and all the massive signs and miracles that follow your every move. It's hard to verbalize God moving in your heart and speaking new identity over your life let alone write home about it.
I don't have a nice outline or a crazy supernatural testimony. I know God's moving, I know He has spoke a clear word over my life and I'm loving experiencing new facets of His character but I'm human and days come like this week and everyone else where I wonder, "What the heck am I doing here?" I find myself asking God sometimes, "Of all the places in the world, did you really mean to bring me to the one farthest from home?" "Do you really see me here? Do you hear me here?" And maybe the biggest question this week, "Is my meager offering to your heart enough?"
Even missionaries have hard weeks. But I hear people want to know I'm still alive.
I'm still alive.
(I could use a lot of prayer, quite a bit of money and an email or two :)
But I'm alive and kicking!
I'm still learning lots, I'm still loving experiencing more and more God's heart and listening carefully for what He's call is. Some people say there are the mountain top times and there are the desert times when everything seems quiet and faraway. But people want to know you go through both, that God's good in both. That God moves in both. And even if right now is a desert time, I know He's still got it all in His grasp.
And He's a really good Daddy.
1 comment:
Hi Sweetheart,
You are right there are moutain tops and deserts but there are also valleys between the moutain tops and it is there in the valleys that David writes about. And though they may seem lonely or questionable,for you can not see a far in all directions like you can on the moutain tops. It is in the valleys that there is green grass/pastures,growth, restoration, a safe place to rest, a time to be restored. So rest in His presence as He brings you through this time. And pray and sing like David did for God has a clear and mighty plan for you.
You Press-On Manders! I love you sweetheart!oooxxxMom
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