Loss and Darth Vadar

There is a scene in Star Wars III, when Anakin (soon to be Darth Vadar) is talking to Yoda about these nightmares he is having that Padme is dieing in child birth. (As a Jedi Anakin is not supposed to have relational attachments including marrying and getting Padme preggers) but none the less Yoda has it figured out that Anakin loves someone and is being tortured by the thought of losing them. Yoda tells Anakin he must learn to let go of what he so desperately wants to hold on to. Death (read: change) is a natural part of life.  

I don't want to read anything too much into Star Wars but I did re-watch the scene a few times to really understand the weight of this.  Most of us know the rest of the story. Anakin becomes so paralyzed by his fear of losing the one he loves he eventually pledges his allegiance to the "dark side" and chases after a power so dark it consumes him completely. All in hopes of becoming powerful over death. All in hopes of keeping the ones he loves, keeping things the way they are. 

I've thought about this scene a lot lately as I've processed some things that are going on in my life and community lately. I have had many Darth Vadar moments in my life. When I've become dark and disgusting, willing to become anyone, pledge my allegiance to anything in order to keep things they way they are and the way I believe they should be. In retrospect I've lost more this year then I have lost in many...

And that's o.k. Sometimes I think its hard for us to be quiet in pain. We want to talk, to balm the pain with our words. Even if we're just talking to ourselves (see Dane Cook, "Crying"). It's o.k for me to say, I've lost lots this year. It's o.k for that to hurt. It's o.k to want to be quiet for just a minute. 

I would like to believe my soul has found rest in something I don't have to loosen grip on, something I don't have to let go of. Something I can fearlessly cling to with everything I am. Some unknown part of me has learned to function in this awareness. 

 

Job 1:1 There was a man in the land of Uz whose name was Job, and that man was blameless and upright, one who feared God and turned away from evil.

... (and we all know what the ... means!!)

Job 42:12&17. And the Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning...and Job died, an old man and full of days.

**Don't actually look up Dane Cook, his stand up could be funny but is mostly inappropriate).**