Johnny Cash gives me shivers.

"Lord I'm returning to things I used to do. Somewhere along the journey I think I lost hold of the truth."

Want to know whats really f-ed up?

Knowing your in the wrong place.
State.
Country.
Home.
Relationships.

But that no matter what, no matter how much prayer or fasting or crying or yelling or fighting...time and space must still pass and you can't be where your supposed to be for reasons you can't control.

And your too far removed from your new "family" and not close enough to all the "family" you left so your life and your struggles and the stupid circles you run every day can go hidden everyday. You become one big secret.

And you can't cry out to one person because they don't want to be just one person. And you don't have the fight left in you. Not anymore.

And you know what I think is cool about David? When he was young and he needed to fight off that lion and the bear to save his herd...he knew no one saw him. He knew what he had just done had taken super natural strength. It had come to some little punk shepherd boy. A supernatural miracle, a sign or power and strength had come to a weakling. And no one had witnessed it. So David had to be completely convinced what had happened was real. He hadn't fallen asleep and dreamed it. He hadn't been dehydrated. He hadn't fought off a "spiritual lion" he had fought a real frickin lion! And this poor fool had to go back home blooded but completely convinced of what God had done to and through him in the wild....David had to know that people weren't going to believe him. People weren't going to listen. Or they were going to write him off.

"It's a phase."

"He thinks he's better then us because he had a lion...poor fool doesn't he remember that he's just a shepherd?"

But David knew. David knew that God had worked through him and he went home to face it and when he went to bed that night I wonder if anyone believed him at all? But he knew. He knew what God had done and obviously his faith was enough because someone else believed him and wrote it down and we teach our kids about it with felt boards now.

You see the thing with me is...I don't think I'm convinced of what He did to me in the wild.